Hyrule Press Conference
by Ariana aka Nereid
Summary: I'm bored... and these guys are handy people to torture... :
1. Clothes

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Disclaimer: I don't, nor will I ever, own Zelda.  
  
Authors Notes: See what happens when the site goes down?! I end up writing crap like this!  
  
*****If ANYONE points out any plotholes (insert venomous stare)..... just remember, they are here intentionally.  
  
  
  
Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Subject: Fashion issues- clothing  
  
  
  
**Enter into a room with a long table. The Sages are sitting there, as are Link, Sheik, and Zelda. Navi, Tatl and Tael are sitting on the table itself. The three Golden Goddesses are presiding (a.k.a.: trying to keep some kind of order). Tons of press are in folding chairs in front of the table. Enter the insanity :) **  
  
  
  
DIN: We will now begin answering questions on today's topic: fashion. That means clothes, accessories, etc. **watches as dozens of reporters start talking at once.** We WILL do this in an orderly fashion (no pun). Over there. **points**  
  
  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE PEOPLE MAGAZINE: Yes, thank you. I was just wondering why Link chose to wear a dress and earrings.  
  
LINK: What's this chose crap?! They were on me when I woke up. And it's not a dress!!!  
  
R.F.H.P.M.: Sure they were.  
  
LINK: You wanna make something of it!?  
  
R.F.H.P.M.: At least Saria's a girl.  
  
LINK: (stands up) YOU. ME. OUTSIDE. NOW!!!  
  
FARORE: (grabs Link and shoves him back into his chair, then nods to Din.)  
  
DIN: Thanks.  
  
FARORE: No prob.  
  
DIN: Moving on. Let's see. you over there. (points again)  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE NEWS 10547: Yes. I was just wondering why the Gorons and Zoras don't wear anything?  
  
RUTO: Who says I'm not? It is just the same color as my skin. And because of how thin it is, I can move freely in the water.  
  
DRAUNIA: I'm just gonna pass on this one.  
  
LINK: Cucco.  
  
DRAUNIA: (stands and turns to Link) COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT!  
  
LINK: (also stands) ALL RIGHT I WILL!  
  
FARORE AND NAYRU: (look at each other and sigh, then go behind the to warring ones and shove them back into their seats.)  
  
FARORE: Behave both of you.  
  
DIN: Maybe this was a bad idea.  
  
AUTHOR: (don't ask) Of course it isn't. :)  
  
DIN: **groan** Next. how about you (points to someone dancing funny)  
  
RANDOM PERSON: Where's the bathroom?  
  
DIN: -_- Over there. how about a real question. you there. (points)  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Sheik, is it true that you can't take those bandages off?  
  
SHEIK: ???  
  
R.F.H.S.: That is what my source says. You had them super-glued.  
  
SHEIK: Ummm. not that I remember.  
  
LINK: Where are these questions coming from anyway?  
  
SHEIK: Don't ask me.  
  
DIN: Next. (points to random person)  
  
UNKNOWN REPORTER: How does it feel to have won the Indigo League and the Orange Island League?  
  
ENTIRE DAIS: ????????  
  
U.R.: This is the Pokemon conference, isn't it?  
  
DIN: -_-() no.. that's down the hall.  
  
U.R.: oops. heh heh. **sweatdrops, then runs out of the room**  
  
DIN: I thought everyone knew where they were. oh well. Next. (points to another person)  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE TRIBUNAL WEEKLY: Is it true that no one here can dress themselves?  
  
ZELDA: Where did that one come from?  
  
R.F.H.T.W.: Well, you for example are royalty.  
  
ZELDA: SO YOU ARE SAYING THAT I AM HELPLESS!?  
  
R.F.H.T.W.: W-w-well. not exactly.  
  
ZELDA: I SEE HOW IT IS.  
  
R.F.H.T.W.: **sits down quickly** eep.  
  
DIN: Two more questions then we are done for today.  
  
FARORE: **under breath** About time.  
  
DIN: I heard that.  
  
FARORE: Darn.  
  
DIN: **smirking** OK. Let's see. how about you. **points**  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: This is for the fairies. Do you wear anything?  
  
NAVI: Of course! For example, right now I have on a beautiful red dress.  
  
TATL: Mine's better, it is a gorgeous light blue.  
  
TAEL: Oh brother.  
  
TATL: Just because all you have is jeans and a T-shirt on don't take it out on us.  
  
TAEL: **sinks behind the table**  
  
NAVI & TATL: **snicker**  
  
DIN: Poor fairy probably needs counseling. One more. you. **points to the very back of the room**  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE PEOPLE PLUS: This is for Rauru. why is the front of your dress.  
  
RAURU: IT'S NOT A DRESS!  
  
R.F.H.P.P.: Yeah. anyway, why is the front all red like that?  
  
IMPA: Hey, you're right. Why is that?  
  
RAURU: **sweatdrop** well. super-cherry-strawberry-jelly-jam-ice-cream doesn't come out.  
  
DIN, FARORE & NAYRU: eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww...... DIN: That's it, meeting over. **Leaves, and Farore and Nayru follow. After they are gone, the table books it to the exit, leaving only the reporters.**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: Now what?  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 2: We can do this again if we make it seem like it was worth it.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: So we will have a way to kill time?  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 2: Yup.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: Then let's get this stuff to the presses!!  
  
Conference over.  
  
Should I bother with another chapter? If so, what should be the topic? KEEP IT CLEAN. GOT IT? Also, flames will go straight to Volvagia. (He's my pet now. ^_^) 


	2. Sports

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own it. Too bad.  
  
Issue two: ** no one wants to review, so I will do it myself**  
  
Topic: Sports  
  
  
  
**Table set up and the Sages, Link, Sheik, Zelda, and the three fairies are sitting there. Din, Farore and Nayru are taking up battle positions. The reporters are in folding chairs around the room.**  
  
DIN: Today's topic is sports. Before we begin, this is the ZELDA conference, so anyone who is not supposed to be here please leave now. **no one moves** Good. Let's start. over there. (points)  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA MOBILE NEWS 30: Why can't the Goron baseball team do anything?  
  
DRAUNIA: Because everyone cheats.  
  
LINK: What?!  
  
DRAUNIA: You heard me.  
  
IMPA: Is it our fault that you are so slow? We routinely get perfect games against you. You JUST SIT THERE AT THE PLATE!  
  
DIN: -_- Next question please. you there.  
  
REPORTER FROM ZORA SPORTS NETWORK: Ruto, do you see the Zoras winning again in the Hyrule Olympics?  
  
RUTO: Of course! Even if it isn't all water events, we are completely the best.  
  
LINK: **covers mouth with his hand** **coughs**  
  
RUTO: What was that Linky-poo?  
  
NAYRU: **groan**  
  
DIN: My sentiments exactly. Can we move on before war breaks out?  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE MONTHLY: Why wont' the Sheikahs participate in the Hyrule Olympics?  
  
IMPA: Is there a reason you are asking?  
  
R.F.H.M.: Are you afraid of coming out?  
  
SHEIK: There is a reason we live where we do you know.  
  
R.F.H.M.: So you are afraid you will lose.  
  
IMPA & SHEIK: **closer to warpath**  
  
R.F.H.M.: **oblivious** You are afraid of the other races of Hyrule beating your people into next year.  
  
SHEIK: **stands** How about I tie you up and take you to my village? Then we will see if you change your tune.  
  
FARORE: Sheik, sit down.  
  
SHEIK: **does so.**  
  
DIN: **grumbling** I hate my job. **looks up** Oh! Right.. Ummm. you next.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA NEWS WEEKLY: Do the fairies play any sports?  
  
NAVI: Why...  
  
R.F.T.N.W.: Because people pay to know.  
  
TATL: I play hockey.  
  
TAEL: So do I.  
  
NAVI: Since when?  
  
TATL: Lots of times. Where have you been?  
  
NAVI: I play tennis.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: HOW!? YOU ARE BARELY AN INCH TALL!!  
  
NAVI: We have our own land. We have our sports arenas too. So :P  
  
DIN: One more then we are done for today.  
  
FARORE: With no physical harm.  
  
NAYRU: Watch it! You're gonna jinx it.  
  
DIN: **points** you there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Why do the Gorons try to play sports even though they can't even think on their own?  
  
DRAUNIA: **stands** COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT!!  
  
DIN: THAT'S IT, CONFERENCE OVER!! **storms off**  
  
FARORE AND NAYRU: **look at each other, shrug, then follow.**  
  
REST OF TABLE: **rushes the doors**  
  
REPORTER 2356: That was interesting.  
  
End Conference.  
  
OK. maybe not as good as the first one. I'm trying **whiny face** 


	3. food

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Disclaimer: the same as every other chapter.  
  
A/N: Here we go again.  
  
  
  
**Din is standing at a podium, looking really thrilled to be here. Farore and Nayru are at battle stations. The "torturees" enter and take their seats at the table. Reporters are just itching to get going.**  
  
  
  
DIN: All right. let's get this over with. Today's topic is. **searches through papers** great.  
  
FARORE: How bad?  
  
DIN: ...........food.  
  
RAURU: **suddenly looks up**  
  
DIN: figures. Before we begin, we don't want a repeat of the first one. so this is, once again, the ZELDA conference. **a couple of reporters leave** Thank you. Let's start.. there (points).  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Rauru, exactly how much do you eat in a day?  
  
RAURU: Let's see. I get up. have breakfast, have my mid-morning-after- breakfast-breakfast, my mid-morning-after-breakfast-breakfast-brunch.  
  
R.F.H.S.: I think that pretty much answered it.  
  
NABOORU: **edging away**  
  
IMPA: **looks at Nabooru** Don't blame you one bit.  
  
NABOORU: How come I have to sit next to him?  
  
SHEIK: Because whoever came up with this is sadistic.  
  
AUTHOR: WHAT WAS THAT SHEIK?!  
  
SHEIK: nothing...  
  
DIN: Who am I supposed to pray to? Oh well.next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE FOOD MAGAZINE: Quick on for everyone on the dais, what is your favorite food?  
  
(A/N: The order will also give you the seating arrangement. the fairies are still on top of the table itself)  
  
RAURU: Super-cherry-strawberry-jelly-jam-ice-cream!!  
  
NABOORU: eww.. Grilled Desert Leevers.  
  
IMPA: I prefer boiled Red Tecktite.  
  
SHEIK: But that takes all the spices out of it!!  
  
IMPA: Your point?  
  
SHEIK: -_- Red Tecktite.  
  
SARIA: Carrot sticks!  
  
RUTO: Blue Tecktite.  
  
DRAUNIA: Marble is good.  
  
LINK: Lon Lon Milk.  
  
SHEIK: That's not a food. That's a drink.  
  
LINK: Look at me caring.  
  
ZELDA: Tecktite royal.  
  
NABOORU: spoiled brat.  
  
ZELDA: **leaning over the table** WHAT WAS THAT!!  
  
NABOORU: You heard me!  
  
FARORE AND NAYRU: **stop the catfight before it begins** sigh.  
  
  
  
R.F.H.F.M.: How about the fairies?  
  
NAVI: Tecktite.  
  
TATL: Termina Tecktite.  
  
TAEL: white boe.  
  
NAVI AND TATL: O_O  
  
TAEL: **turns red**  
  
LINK: I'm not asking.  
  
DIN: Are we done yet. guess not. You over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE RYLLEN NEWSPAPER: Hey Sheik, how can you eat with those bandages super-glued to your face?  
  
SHEIK: They are not superglued. And I take them off.  
  
DIN: One more. in the back there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Rauru, have you ever considered a diet?  
  
  
  
RAURU: What's a diet?  
  
  
  
DIN: CONFERENCE OVER. **storms off**  
  
FARORE: I thought that one went rather well.  
  
NAYRU: **points to Zelda and Nabooru, who are just waiting for the goddesses to leave**  
  
FARORE: or not. **leaves and drags Zelda with her**  
  
NAYRU: **follows, dragging a protesting Nabooru**  
  
REST OF TABLE: **book it to the exits**  
  
REPORTERS: o_o  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: We were so close.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 2: If the goddesses hadn't' stopped them, we would have had a real fight!!  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 3: There's always next time.  
  
End conference.  
  
I'm going to keep doing this whether I get reviews or not. So either you pick or I do. 


	4. weapons

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as everything else.  
  
  
  
**reporters show up extra early, camera equipment is set up for this one. The Sages, Link, Zelda, Sheik, and the three fairies are at the table. Din goes up to the podium looking like someone just gave her the death sentence. Farore and Nayru take up battle stations.**  
  
  
  
DIN: Welcome to another torture session...... I mean, another press conference. Today's topic will be...**looks down at paper** great..  
  
FARORE: Spill it Din.  
  
DIN: Weapons.  
  
REPORTERS: YEAH!!!!!  
  
  
  
DIN: Great.. let's get this one over with quickly. You in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: This is for Sheik. Have you ever tied yourself up with your chain whip?  
  
SHEIK: NO!  
  
R.F.H.S.: I was just asking..  
  
  
  
DIN: -_- Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Link, is it true you put poison power on your sword?  
  
LINK: Why would I want to?  
  
  
  
R.F.T.G.: From what I heard, that is the only way you defeated Gannondorf.  
  
  
  
LINK: WHAT?! WHO IS REPORTING THIS STUFF?!  
  
DIN: Next..... (please let this end soon.)  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE EVENING NEWS: Princess Zelda, can you use any weapons?  
  
ZELDA: I prefer magic myself. But I can use a sword.  
  
SHEIK: She thinks she can anyway...  
  
ZELDA: Did you say something Sheik? **glare of death**  
  
SHEIK: nothing...  
  
FARORE: Why do we even bother?  
  
DIN: I hope you are getting paid for this, cause I'm not. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE WEEKLY MAGAZINE: Impa, what kind of weapons do you prefer?  
  
  
  
IMPA: I can use just about anything, but I prefer a long sword.  
  
R.F.H.W.M.: How about Rauru?  
  
  
  
RAURU: Well.....  
  
NABOORU: He doesn't need one. Any weapon used against him is bounced off all of that flab and inflicts on the person wielding it. ^_^  
  
RAURU: WHAT WAS THAT?!!!  
  
NABOORU: **smirk** You heard me.  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **once again, stop the fight before it starts**  
  
REPORTERS: darn...  
  
DIN: **groan** next..  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE FOREST NEWS: Saria, do you use any weapons?  
  
SARIA: Just the Deku Nuts and Sticks. I don't like violence.  
  
R.F.H.F.N.: Is that it or are you scared?  
  
SARIA: There is nothing wrong with being a pacifist.  
  
R.F.H.F.N.: wimp.  
  
LINK: SHE HAS MORE SENSE THAN YOU!!!!!  
  
  
  
R.F.H.F.N.: eep...**sits down quickly**  
  
  
  
DIN: I hate my life... is there any way to get out of this?  
  
  
  
AUTHOR: No. Do your job.  
  
DIN: **groan** next..  
  
REPORTER FOR FAIRIES MONTHLY: What, if anything, do the fairies use?  
  
  
  
NAVI: Sword.  
  
LINK: No you don't.  
  
NAVI: **pulls out fairy-sized sword** Yes I do.  
  
LINK: Why didn't you ever tell me you had that?  
  
NAVI: I don't have to tell you everything.  
  
TAEL: I like archery.  
  
TATL: Maybe someday you will hit the target too.  
  
TAEL: **sniff**  
  
TATL: YOU SENT AN ARROW THROUGH MY WINDOW!!!  
  
TAEL: oops..  
  
  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **once again, damage control**  
  
DIN: This is nonsense...  
  
FARORE: Hasn't stopped us yet.  
  
DIN: One more, then I am leaving. You over there.  
  
  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA INQUIRER: Ruto, isn't it true you cut off your fin blades to buy a dress to marry Link?  
  
  
  
RUTO: Where did you hear that one? I am not a Zora warrior. I didn't have the fin blades to begin with. And I don't even have a wedding dress yet.. **looks at Link**  
  
LINK: Get over it.  
  
DIN: I'm leaving. **does so**  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **look at each other, shrug, then leave**  
  
REST OF TABLE: ** gone within 2 seconds**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: We keep getting closer!!  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 2: Don't worry, they can't keep them apart forever!  
  
  
  
END CONFERENCE.  
  
  
  
I am at a loss as to the next conference. Please help if you can. ^_^ 


	5. television

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Disclaimer: The usual. Disclaimer2: All channels, shows, and networks are not mine, but belong to their respective companies.  
  
A/N: to the person who asked about if Hyrule even had TVs, just remember, that hasn't stopped anyone before!! ^_^ A/N2: MONKEY?????????????????  
  
  
  
  
  
**Reporters gather yet again. The table is set up, and the group is there. Din walks up to the podium, thrilled as usual. Damage control, also known as Farore and Nayru, are ready. Here we go again.**  
  
DIN: You are getting how much for this?!  
  
NABOORU: You heard me.  
  
DIN: Why are you getting paid while I'm not?  
  
NABOORU: Because I'm special.  
  
DIN: Why you little....**looks up and sees that they are on** Oops.. welcome to another press conference. Today's topic will be television, the newest invention to hit Hyrule.  
  
RAURU: YEAH!!!  
  
DIN: must...resist...death urge..... SOMEONE START ASKING!!!!  
  
REPORTERS: O_O  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE WEEKLY NEWS: Simple enough to start..what are your favorite shows?  
  
RAURU: I like the whole food network.  
  
NABOORU: You would.  
  
RAURU: What are you trying to say?  
  
NABOORU: Take a guess.  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **brace**  
  
NABOORU: I like the game shows.  
  
IMPA: Mostly because that is all you can understand...  
  
NABOORU: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY TASTES??!!  
  
IMPA: You said it not me.  
  
NABOORU: **now standing** GET OVER HERE AND FIGHT!!!  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **stop the fight**  
  
  
  
DIN: This is getting ridiculous. Next.  
  
IMPA: I like Police shows.  
  
LINK: ?? OK. Sports.  
  
DRAUNIA: Same on that one.  
  
SARIA: Cartoons!!  
  
RUTO: Soap operas.  
  
ZELDA: Great, me and fish-face have something in common...  
  
RUTO: **death glare**  
  
SHEIK: Dare I say it...  
  
LINK: Spill it Sheik.  
  
SHEIK: **acting like he is fearing for his life** ummm.. **looks down** Shopping Channel.  
  
WHOLE ROOM: O_O  
  
TAEL: I would have never guessed you for that one!  
  
TATL: My favorite stuff is Soap Operas.  
  
NAVI: Mine too!!  
  
ZELDA: Great.. first Fish-face, now lightbulbs with wings..  
  
NAVI & TATL: X_X  
  
TAEL: BATTLEBOTS!!!!!!  
  
TATL: You would!  
  
DIN: Very.....informative. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY MAGAZINE: Tael, have you ever built a bot?  
  
TAEL: Look at me and ask that again.  
  
R.F.F.M.M.: I see your point.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Rauru, dare I ask...why do you like the food network so much?  
  
  
  
RAURU: Just look at everything you can order!!  
  
R.F.T.G: Actually, it is not a take-out..  
  
RAURU: What?!!! **whimper**  
  
DIN: I hate my life. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM GERUDO JOURNAL: Nabooru, have you ever been on a game show?  
  
NABOORU: Sadly, no. They keep saying that I am over-qualified.  
  
ZELDA: Translation: They don't want some Gerudo stealing the set.  
  
NABOORU: COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT!  
  
ZELDA: ANY TIME GERUDO BITCH!!  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **damage control**  
  
DIN: One more and that's it.  
  
REPORTER FROM FABULOUS FOREST MAGAZINE: Saria, what is your favorite show?  
  
SARIA: Well....Hmmm... that's tough. I'm going to say the Powerpuff Girls.  
  
  
  
DIN: THAT'SALLGOODBYE!! **leaves very quickly**  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **watch**  
  
FARORE: She has never moved that fast before.  
  
NAYRU: Nabooru, how much are you getting?  
  
NABOORU: Let me put it this way.. the Fortress is now twice as big as it was before.  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: O_O **run after their sister**  
  
LINK: Why are you getting paid?  
  
  
  
NABOORU: Like I said before, I'm special.  
  
TABLE: **leaves**  
  
REPORTERS: ummmmm.....  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: That was strange... 


	6. music

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
**All for freedom and for pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever, Everybody wants to rule the world! (Tears for Fears)**  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The same as everything else.  
  
Disclaimer2: All music and titles and names are properties of their respective owners.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Press agents seated in folding chairs facing a long table. The victims...I mean, the oh-so-lovely participants are once again seated there. Damage Control, Farore and Nayru, are standing at either end of the table, watching the door. Din hasn't entered yet.**  
  
FARORE: You can't hide in there forever.  
  
DIN: **from off camera** Watch me!  
  
NAYRU: We have to get this thing started.  
  
DIN: **v.o.** I'M NOT COMING OUT LIKE THIS!  
  
NABOORU: What did she do?  
  
FARORE: When she found out you got paid, she went upstairs and demanded that she get more than you for her goddess status.  
  
NABOORU: O_O  
  
FARORE: That's what we said.  
  
LINK: Come on Din! It can't be that bad.  
  
DIN: **v.o.** YES IT CAN!!  
  
SHEIK: No one can leave until you get this over with.  
  
DIN: **sighs, then comes in with black eye and huge bruise on her arm**  
  
WHOLE ROOM: O_O X_X  
  
DIN: Let's just get this over with. Welcome to the stupid conference, blah, blah, topic for today, music. You can start over there.  
  
FARORE: Oh, we almost forgot. We invited someone new to join our table.  
  
DIN: Farore, you didn't.....  
  
FARORE: Don't worry, it will be fine. Come on in here!  
  
**Gannondorf comes in and sits at the end of the table.**  
  
LINK: WHAT!?  
  
FARORE: Stop being such babies. OK, we can start now.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Sheik, can you sing?  
  
SHEIK: Ummm. I've never really tried. **tries, and is wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyyyy off key**  
  
**Window shatters**  
  
SHEIK: Guess I better stop now.. -_-()  
  
DIN: Great.. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM VILLAINS MONTHLY: This is for Gannondorf, what is your favorite song?  
  
GANNONDORF: "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD" by Tears for Fears.  
  
R.F.V.M.: Why that one?  
  
GANNONDORF: Because I want to RULE THE WORLD!!!!  
  
DIN: Did you really have to bring him here?  
  
FARORE: You are so paranoid. Right Nayru?  
  
NAYRU: I am not getting in the middle of this.  
  
DIN: -_- Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Zelda, what kind of music do you play in the castle?  
  
ZELDA: Whatever I want.  
  
AUTHOR: Welcome to your life. There's no turning back. Even while we sleep, we will find you acting on your best behavior, turn your back on Mother Nature, Everybody wants to rule the world. **for anyone not familiar, that is part of Gannon's fav.**  
  
WHOLE ROOM: Where did that come from?  
  
AUTHOR: I'm playing it while typing this. ^_^ Could be worse.  
  
DIN: How?!  
  
AUTHOR: Gannon knows.  
  
GANNONDORF: Please don't... the PAIN!  
  
DIN: I'm not asking. You are just too strange. Next reporter please.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT SKY WEEKLY: Nabooru, what kind of music do you listen to in the fortress?  
  
NABOORU: Hard rap, rock ballads, stuff like that.  
  
R.F.D.S.W. What is your favorite?  
  
NABOORU: I think I have to go with Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody".  
  
IMPA: That explains a lot.  
  
NABOORU: Care to repeat that?  
  
IMPA: I am just saying that could explain your mentality.  
  
NABOORU: **on feet** YOU. ME. NOW.  
  
IMPA: **also standing** ANYTIME.  
  
**Damage control**  
  
GANNONDORF: Why did you break them up? It's been a while since I've seen a good fight.  
  
FARORE: You keep quiet.  
  
DIN: This is going great. A few more, then we leave.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE EVENING NEWS: Gannondorf, how could this have been made worse?  
  
GANNONDORF: She is playing "Everybody wants to rule the world" right now.. but we are all in deep trouble if she starts with a couple of other CDs.. like Mortal Kombat Annihilation.  
  
TABLE: **gulp**  
  
DIN: What? Wait. she had that playing when I asked to be....paid.... darn.  
  
AUTHOR: :)  
  
DIN: One more. You in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA BAY MAGAZINE: Ruto, what kind of music do you like? And how can you use any kind of music equipment in Zora's Domain?  
  
RUTO: Actually, I like the Indigo-gos from Termina. And it isn't that hard. There are parts of the domain that are dry you know.  
  
DIN: That's great, now GO HOME! **leaves muttering about an ice pack.**  
  
GANNONDORF: I think our dear goddess needs a vacation.  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **leave**  
  
TABLE: **looks at Gannondorf**  
  
GANNONDORF: What?!  
  
LINK: How did you get invited?  
  
GANNONDORF: Our author is.. very...persuasive.  
  
SHEIK: Is that what it's called now?  
  
**table leaves**  
  
REPORTERS: -_-  
  
REPORTER 1: We need to get a good fight in here somehow...  
  
End Conference.  
  
  
  
All right, I'll fess up. This one is kinda lame. But this is me caring. ^_^ 


	7. games we play...................^_^

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as everything else I write.  
  
  
  
  
  
**Reporters are waiting. The table is set up, and everyone is there. Din's black eye and bruise are mostly healed, and she is royally pissed. Farore and Nayru are on either side of the table, not sure who needs the protection.**  
  
DIN: I can't believe this!!  
  
FARORE: Din, blood pressure...  
  
DIN: Why am I not being paid while the Gerudo is?!  
  
GANNONDORF: Wait a minute, Nabooru is getting paid for this?  
  
NABOORU: :)  
  
DIN: This is ridiculous! I am infinitely more powerful than she is.  
  
NABOORU: Too bad you aren't more powerful than the author.  
  
DIN: **groan**  
  
LINK: Umm...cameras are on..  
  
DIN: **looks** AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Someone's supposed to tell me when they come on!! **random profanity alternating in languages**  
  
NAYRU: Whoa!  
  
EVERYONE ELSE: O_O  
  
DIN: Welcome to another really stupid conference where yet again I am not being paid.  
  
SHEIK: Holding a grudge are we?  
  
DIN: **glare** As I was saying... today's topic is games. Lets do this as fast as possible. You over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Do Sheikahs play games, or is it all training for you people?  
  
IMPA: We have games. The most popular is chess.  
  
SHEIK: You make us sound like the Gerudos.  
  
GANNONDORF: I resent that!  
  
NABOORU: We don't train ALL the time. **under breath** dumb sheikah.  
  
DIN: We're off to a good start...next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Zelda, isn't it true that your favorite game is "kick the guards and say there is an intruder in the castle"?  
  
ZELDA: O_O Where did you hear that one?! OF COURSE IT ISN'T TRUE!!  
  
R.F.H.S.: We have people who say they have seen you do it..  
  
ZELDA: WELL, THEY ARE ALL LYING!!!  
  
R.F.H.S.: eep..**sits down quickly**  
  
DIN: Don't mess with Zelda if you know what's good for ya. You over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY: Tael, is it true that you go around Hyrule and Termina playing "ding-dong-ditch"? (A/N: In case you don't know, that is hitting the doorbell and running away)  
  
TAEL: Ummm..no...  
  
LINK: That was YOU!?  
  
TAEL: NO!! I SWEAR!!  
  
RAURU: You interrupted my favorite snack time!  
  
RUTO: When aren't you eating?  
  
RAURU: That's beside the point.  
  
TAEL: I DIDN'T DO IT!!  
  
R.F.F.M.: We have people saying they caught you in the act.  
  
TAEL: I DIDN'T DO IT!!  
  
DIN: We are trying to avoid a war, please. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE PEOPLE: Ruto, has anyone gotten hurt from that diving game in Zora's domain?  
  
RUTO: Well, Link did....  
  
LINK: You promised!!! @_@  
  
RUTO: Sorry, sweetie, but I can't lie to the press...  
  
LINK: I'll never live this down...  
  
R.F.H.P.: Please, continue Ruto.  
  
RUTO: **smiling** Link was showing off, and he kinda tripped over the side and hit one of the places where the water isn't deep...he broke his hip and both legs. All to please me....**wistful sigh**  
  
LINK: Actually, I was trying to impress Zelda...  
  
RUTO: WHAT???!!!  
  
ZELDA: Oh how sweet..  
  
RUTO: MINE BITCH!  
  
ZELDA: I DON'T THINK SO FISH-FACE!  
  
**cat fight!!!!!**  
  
DRAUNIA: Ten rupees on Zelda!  
  
GANNONDORF: FIFTY ON THE FISH GIRL!  
  
LINK: ONE HUNDRED ON ZELDA!  
  
SARIA: How immature. **Looks over at Nayru and Farore. They are trying to keep Din from going off the deep end.** So much for our damage control.  
  
IMPA: I know how to break it up.  
  
GANNODORF: Don't!! We got money on this!!  
  
IMPA: You make me sick. Hey Sheik...  
  
SHEIK: Yes?  
  
IMPA: sing.  
  
SHEIK: ??????  
  
IMPA: Just do it.  
  
SHEIK: **shrugs** **starts singing, is once again wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy off key**  
  
WHOLE ROOM: **covers ears**  
  
ZELDA & RUTO: **stop fighting and cover ears, Ruto is visibly in pain**  
  
IMPA: **taps Sheik on the shoulder** That's fine.  
  
SHEIK: **stops singing** Oh. I think I'm getting better! ^_^  
  
FARORE: **trying to get ringing out of her ears** What was that for?  
  
IMPA: Damage control was busy elsewhere.  
  
NAYRU: oops...  
  
GANNONDORF: So how do we know who won?  
  
ZELDA: What was that supposed to mean?  
  
LINK: Nothing..  
  
SARIA: They had money on your fight.  
  
RUTO: Oh really? Here's a game for you guys......  
  
DRAUNIA, LINK, AND GANNONDORF: **gulp**  
  
ZELDA: It's called "keep-away". You have to try to keep away from us. Otherwise we hurt you.  
  
DRAUNIA, LINK, AND GANNONDORF: **run out of the room**  
  
RUTO AND ZELDA: **follow**  
  
DIN: **looks over at remaining panelists** this is great. **leaves**  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **sigh, then follow**  
  
REST OF TABLE: **shrug, then leave**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: At least we got a fight in this time..  
  
End Conference. 


	8. Farore had to go and save them.............

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Haven't you been reading the other stuff?  
  
  
  
A/N: I don't have anything against Monkeys, I just never had someone say that in a review. I love monkeys, really!!! (holds up Pokemon Aipom) See?! ^_^  
  
  
  
**Reporters are ready, "guests" are ready, Farore and Nayru are ready, but no sign of Din.**  
  
  
  
FARORE: NOW where did she go?  
  
NAYRU: This is getting ridiculous.  
  
DIN: **finally walks in** I HAVE IT!!  
  
WHOLE ROOM: **sweatdrop**  
  
LINK: Do I dare ask?  
  
DIN: **really evil grin, you know, the kind that says you will die a hundred times over** You will all love this one.....  
  
SHEIK: Should I start making my funeral arrangements?  
  
IMPA: Somehow, I think we all should be.  
  
FARORE: **not liking her sister's psychotic look** Din, what are you planning?  
  
DIN: I hold the most embarrassing topic for this section!!  
  
TABLE: O_O  
  
DIN: We're gonna talk about your love-lives.  
  
TABLE: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!  
  
  
  
DIN: **evil smile** Yes.  
  
REPORTERS: YEAH!!!  
  
DIN: Enjoy. We will start over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Link, can you please tell us once and for all who it is you are in love with?  
  
LINK: ummmm.....well.......  
  
**females at the table watching**  
  
LINK: Ummm.....**looks down** Koume.  
  
**gasps heard all around the room**  
  
ZELDA: What?! HOW COULD YOU LOVE THAT HAG!!!???  
  
LINK: eep...**hides under the table**  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Zelda, is it true you are engaged?  
  
ZELDA: **glaring at Link** Well, I WAS.  
  
LINK: **still under table** sorry....  
  
SHEIK: You are so dead.  
  
LINK: I know...  
  
REPORTER FROM VILLAINS MONTHLY: Gannondorf, do you have a girlfriend?  
  
GANNONDORF: Ummmm..well....no. I have never had a girlfriend. Nabooru turned me down, and I haven't been able to get anyone else.  
  
NABOORU: Perhaps that is because you are A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT!!!!!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA EVENING NEWS: Are Impa and Sheik an item?  
  
IMPA: **looks over at Sheik**  
  
SHEIK: **looks over at Impa**  
  
IMPA & SHEIK: NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!!!!!  
  
DIN: This is fun **evil glaring and smiles continue**  
  
FARORE: I'm gonna save them. This conference is over. **Drags Din out of the room, Nayru behind her.**  
  
ZELDA: **leaning down to Link** So you love the evil hag more than me, huh?  
  
LINK: **crawls out from under table and runs out of the exit**  
  
ZELDA & RUTO: **in hot pursuit**  
  
REST OF TABLE: O_O  
  
SHEIK: That whole thing was degrading.  
  
TABLE: **leaves**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: We gotta have more of these. **evil grin**  
  
  
  
END CONFERENCE. 


	9. childhood ^_^

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Take a wild guess.  
  
  
  
  
  
**The room is set up, the victims are behind the table. Din is at the podium, smirking. Damage control is Nayru only. Farore is nowhere to be found.**  
  
  
  
LINK: (whispering to Sheik) Do we want to know what happened to Farore?  
  
SHEIK: (also whispering) From the look on Din's face, probably not.  
  
RUTO: They're starting soon.  
  
NABOORU: Hey Din!! **holds up 10 gold rupees** this is only a fraction of my last paycheck. :)  
  
DIN: Don't worry, I'll have my payback. And this time, Farore won't be able to break it up.  
  
ZELDA: I'm probably going to regret this, but where is Farore?  
  
DIN: Don't you worry about that.  
  
NAYRU: **gulp**  
  
DIN: Are the cameras on?  
  
GANNONDORF: They have been for the past twenty minutes.  
  
DIN: I have got to get some better help..... **ahem** Welcome to another Hyrule Press Conference. Today's topic is childhood lives.  
  
SARIA: **smirk**  
  
DIN: For the Kokiri, that would mean the first 20 years of your life.  
  
SARIA: darn.  
  
DIN: Oh no you don't. You aren't getting out of this. Let's start the inquisition! You in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Link, what is the most embarrassing moment you had as a child?  
  
LINK: Do I have to.....  
  
DIN: Yes.  
  
LINK: APPEAL!  
  
AUTHOR: YES LINK. YOU WILL ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS.  
  
LINK: Darn. Ummm...  
  
R.F.H.S.: We're waiting...  
  
LINK: Well..There was one time..I was climbing a tree in the Lost Woods, and I got stuck..I got beat up by birds..and of course I was wearing the Kokiri Tunic..  
  
DIN: I think we know where that is going.. next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY: This is for the fairies (duh) what are your most embarrassing childhood moments?  
  
NAVI: Can I hurt whoever came up with this?  
  
DIN: No. Now answer the question.  
  
NAVI: Well, I got stuck in a soda can once....  
  
TATL: You were there for 4 days!!  
  
NAVI: Rub it in.  
  
TATL: OK I will. :)  
  
NAVI: Grr..at least I wasn't the one who got smashed when I was 10!  
  
TATL: You promised!! ;_;  
  
NAVI: All's fair in love and war.  
  
TAEL: **laughing**  
  
TATL: Don't even try it little bro. I have some dirt on you too. Like when you tried to go outside with only your underwear on...  
  
TAEL: I was only 5! I didn't know!!  
  
TATL: **smirk**  
  
DIN: This is good stuff...you over there...  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: I was wondering what kind of childhood the Sheikahs had.  
  
SHEIK: You have been to just about every one of these...don't you have any kind of life?  
  
R.F.T.G.: No. Now answer the question.  
  
SHEIK: **muttering Sheikan curses** Well..we trained a lot..  
  
IMPA: Spill it Sheik.  
  
SHEIK: I don't wanna.  
  
NABOORU: **waves a gold rupee in front of Sheik's face** If you spill it, you can have it....  
  
SHEIK: **thinks about it**  
  
NABOORU: Offer won't last much longer....  
  
SHEIK: I am not that hard pressed for money.  
  
NABOORU: OK....but now you have to put up with our "esteemed" author.  
  
SHEIK: Gulp....OK, I'll tell..... I got wrapped up in my whip when I was about 10 years old...it was during one of my tests...and the whole village saw it.....  
  
IMPA: **smirk**  
  
R.F.T.G.: You too Impa.  
  
IMPA: Darn..I was hoping you would forget...I messed up a spell one time...  
  
DIN: So?  
  
IMPA: Our chieftain had green hair and blue skin for 3 weeks......  
  
NAYRU: **has her hand over her mouth**  
  
DIN: I love this....next.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT SKY NEWS: Nabooru, what is your fondest childhood memory.  
  
NABOORU: Well, I think I would have to say...My first time at the archery range. I was about 6 years old.... and I got a perfect score on my first shot.  
  
GANNONDORF: I wouldn't have called it that.  
  
NABOORU: What? Right in the kisser!!  
  
GANNONDORF: THAT WAS ME YOU HIT!!! IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!!!  
  
NABOORU: Your point?  
  
GANNONDORF: YOU.....YOU......  
  
NAYRU: **Stands in between them**  
  
DIN: Thank you Nayru. We have time for one more question.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE NIGHTLY NEWS: Ruto, what was your childhood like?  
  
RUTO: What do you expect it to be like? I am the most beautiful princess in the world. I got everything I ever wanted....  
  
ZELDA: Including a black eye.  
  
RUTO: He had no right to hit me...that dumb jerk!! Just because I wanted a date...  
  
ZELDA: He nailed you in front of everyone....they all cheered too.  
  
RUTO: Whose side are you on!!??  
  
DIN: This concludes today's press conference. See you next time.  
  
  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	10. animals

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own it.  
  
  
  
A/N: I got a few good suggestions......but no idea how to do them. That is why this is taking so long. "deepest, darkest secret of someone in the room" I think is a great one, but I am still working on making it good. So, for a time killer, you get this one! ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
**The room is filled with reporters again. The table is ready. Nayru is looking at her sister Farore. Farore, for her part, looks like she stood in Death Mountain Crater for a few weeks (that is definitely not a tan). Din, like she has been lately, is arguing with Nabooru.**  
  
DIN: She did WHAT?!  
  
NABOORU: You heard me.  
  
DIN: So who else?  
  
NABOORU: Link, I believe. I know Impa is. Ruto may be too.  
  
DIN: **random profanity in alternating languages**  
  
REPORTERS: O_O  
  
GANNON: Umm...Din? **points to camera**  
  
DIN: **oblivious** So let me get this straight, she gave you a raise, and started paying the others?  
  
NABOORU: **smirk** Yep.  
  
LINK: Din? Camera.....  
  
DIN: **still oblivious** Why does she refuse to pay me?!  
  
ENTIRE TABLE MINUS NABOORU: CAMERA'S ON!!  
  
DIN: **looks at camera** **curses** Why didn't you tell me?!  
  
GANNON: We did.  
  
DIN: I hate my life. Welcome to another press conference. The topic for today is....who comes up with these?  
  
NAYRU: Actually, our beautiful author came up with this one.  
  
DIN: I though she said she had a good one?  
  
FARORE: She did, but she is having a hard time making it good. I don't think you want to be part of it anyway...  
  
DIN: Whatever, today's topic is animals. Let's start over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Hey Link, have you ever had a pet?  
  
LINK: Sheik was right, you do have no life.  
  
R.F.T.G.: -_- just answer the question.  
  
LINK: Kinda hard to have a pet in the forest. There actually aren't many animals out there that won't try to kill you in some way.  
  
DIN: We're off to a fascinating start. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE GLOBE: Hey Nabooru, are horses the only things you have out there?  
  
NABOORU: We have leevers in the desert....does that count?  
  
DIN: No.  
  
NABOORU: Jealous are we?  
  
DIN: I am not. Next question.  
  
REPORTER FROM MOUNTAIN NEWS: Darunia, is it true you have a whole herd of tecktite being held captive in the Fire Temple?  
  
DARUNIA: **looks around nervous** Of...of course not!  
  
GANNON: And they say I'm bad.  
  
LINK: You are.  
  
DIN: How did I miss that......never mind. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Sheik, is it true you practice your needle throwing and whip on cuccos?  
  
SHEIK: O_O OF COURSE NOT!!!  
  
R.F.H.S.: that's not what I saw.....  
  
SHEIK: Then you saw wrong. So :P  
  
DIN: This is getting really freaky....  
  
GANNON: Wuss.  
  
DIN: **glare** What was that?  
  
GANNON: **smirk**  
  
DIN: Let's just get on with it.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA BAY TIMES: Ruto, are pets allowed in Zora's Domain?  
  
RUTO: Well, that depends on the pet. If it has fur or feathers, no. If it is a fish, or a blue tecktite, then it is more than welcome.  
  
R.F.T.B.T.: Don't you eat that stuff.  
  
RUTO: What's your point? If you want to make a pet out of dinner, that is your business.  
  
DIN: Ruto, have you ever considered therapy?  
  
RUTO: I am already in therapy. They keep saying I have obsession issues. **looks over at Link** I'll be waiting for my love Linkey-poo!  
  
LINK: I think that therapist is right.  
  
DIN: Let's not have a fight here.  
  
GANNON: Aw, let us fight.  
  
DIN: You keep quiet. Next question.  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST NEWS: Saria, are Deku Scrubs potential pets?  
  
SARIA: I'll tell you what. You go into Termina, go into the Deku Palace, and ask the Deku King that question.  
  
R.F.F.N.: **gulp**  
  
FARORE: Are we done yet?  
  
NAYRU: No. But I think Din will be soon.  
  
DIN: **2 steps away from nervous breakdown**  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE CHANNEL37: Princess Zelda, do you have a pet in the palace?  
  
ZELDA: Well, I did until Impa took it away.  
  
IMPA: You were the one trying to teach it to swim.  
  
ZELDA: Kitties can swim.  
  
DIN: **ready to collapse from aggravation** I'm leaving. **Leaves**  
  
FARORE: Now what? I thought that one went pretty well.  
  
NAYRU: She found out that Nabby got a raise and others are starting to collect.  
  
**Farore and Nayru look at each other, then run after their sister**  
  
TABLE: **now free** **leaves**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Poor Din.....  
  
  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	11. dig up some dirt, and you turn a pretty ...

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: -_- Honestly, what do you think?  
  
  
  
A/N: This is going to be experiment time. Although I can think of a few people coughNaboorucough who may enjoy this. :)  
  
  
  
  
  
**The table isn't there this time. Each of the usual people are in chairs. Above them are very suspicious vats. They all keep glancing up nervously. Farore and Nayru are standing to each side of the group. Din has decided to argue with someone else for a change.**  
  
  
  
  
  
DIN: There is no reason for it!!  
  
AUTHOR: There is a perfectly good reason.  
  
DIN: Care to tell me what it is then?  
  
AUTHOR: Sure. I don't like you.  
  
NABOORU: **snicker**  
  
DIN: **to Nabooru** You keep quiet. **back to author** Now listen, I go through the Evil Realm and back 20 times per episode. I DESERVE SOME HAZARD PAY!  
  
AUTHOR: Fine. I'll triple your salary.  
  
DIN: Thank you.  
  
NABOORU: **struggling not to laugh**  
  
LINK: Hey Din......**points to camera**  
  
DIN: Huh? **looks** Curse it!! Why won't anyone tell me this stuff?  
  
NABOORU: **still struggling**  
  
DIN: All right, what's so funny?  
  
NABOORU: Triple zero is still zero.....**almost falls over laughing**  
  
DIN: Wha..? **starts profanity in alternating languages**  
  
REPORTERS: O_O X_X  
  
DIN: Welcome to a special edition of the Press Conference. Today, we will make them give dirt on their friends. **evil smile** Even you Nab.  
  
NABOORU: Help me I'm scared.  
  
DIN: You won't be so cocky when this is over.  
  
GANNONDORF: Hey Din, could you, um...explain...**points up**  
  
DIN: Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough....**evil smile gets bigger**  
  
GROUP: **gulp**  
  
DIN: Let's begin, shall we? How about you over....oh. It's you again. You would think they could send someone else at least.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: We're short-staffed.  
  
DIN: Whatever.  
  
R.F.T.G.: Link, since you are an honorary Gerudo.....Why are their pants that large?  
  
NABOORU: grrrr..  
  
LINK: What if I refuse?  
  
DIN: Trust me, you don't want to.  
  
LINK: Guess what? I AIN'T ANSWERING!  
  
DIN: Suit yourself. **pushes button**  
  
LINK: Wha? **looks up and sees pink liquid come crashing down on him.**  
  
DIN: **smirk**  
  
LINK: **looks at himself** AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M PINK!!!!!!!!!  
  
DIN: And there is plenty more. By the time you are done, if you don't answer anyway, you will be your own rainbow!!  
  
LINK: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
R.F.T.G.: So, will you answer? **malicious grin**  
  
LINK: Ummmmmmm...**looks from Nabooru to Din. Choices are: A. Din will pour more of that stuff and he will never live it down, or B. Nabooru will kill him.**  
  
DIN: We're waiting....  
  
LINK: Because they are hiding how fat their legs are! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!  
  
NABOORU: Link, you are soooooooooooo dead.  
  
DIN: If I find out you are lying..  
  
LINK: No lie!!!  
  
DIN: Thank you Link. Next question.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY: **snicker** Tael, who does your sister have a crush on?  
  
TATL: DON'T YOU DARE!!  
  
TAEL: What are you nuts? If I get that stuff on me, I won't be able to fly for weeks!!  
  
TATL: I'll make it so you never fly again....  
  
TAEL: Decisions, decisions.....SHELIKESSHEIK!  
  
TATL: Tael! You little......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
R.F.F.F.: I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that..  
  
TAEL: TATL......LIKES.....SHEIK!!!  
  
SHEIK: X_X  
  
TATL: When we get home.....  
  
TAEL: gulp..  
  
DIN: This is good stuff......next. **smirk**  
  
REPORTER FROM VILLAINS REVIEW: Nabooru, what kinds of things did Gannondorf do when he was younger and still with you?  
  
GANNON: You wouldn't...  
  
NABOORU: Wanna bet? Let's see.....knitting, he had a doll house..  
  
GANNON: SHUT UP!!  
  
LINK: No, this is good!  
  
GANNON: Shut up Pinkey.  
  
LINK: You didn't hurt yourself coming up with that one did ya?  
  
DIN: **ready to die from laughing**  
  
AUTHOR: I wouldn't laugh if I were you...  
  
DIN: Give me one reason why not.  
  
REPORTER FROM HEAVENLY NEWS: Farore...what kind of person is your sister, Din?  
  
DIN: I can't be a part of this!! And Farore can't be questioned.  
  
AUTHOR: Yes you can and yes she can. My fic my rules.  
  
FARORE: Well, she's kinda bossy.....she insists that because she is the goddess of power she is our ruler......her room is a total mess.......  
  
DIN: That's enough Farore.  
  
FARORE: **considers her options** Fine.  
  
DIN: Thought so. Wait, you don't have any of that stuff over you..And I have the controls..**looks up as green liquid pours over her** right here...Thank you very much.  
  
AUTHOR: ^_^  
  
DIN: Someone's on a sugar high...next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST SKY GLOBE: Saria, why does Link still live there?  
  
LINK: Please no...  
  
SARIA: What color is the stuff above me?  
  
DIN: Right now? Neon orange.  
  
SARIA: Sorry Link.... Zelda kicked him out. He won't tell me why..  
  
ZELDA: Because I caught him cheating on me with Malon!!!!!  
  
DIN: Whoo-hoo!! Free info!!  
  
LINK: What did I do to deserve this.....  
  
DIN: What didn't you do. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM SHEIKAN NEWS: Impa, does Sheik dress like a girl? Or was that really Zelda the other day.....  
  
IMPA: I can't say.  
  
DIN: You better have a good reason.  
  
IMPA: Because I'm not stupid.  
  
DIN: Would you rather turn bright red?  
  
IMPA: **thinks a moment** He did....but he said it would be the only time...  
  
SHEIK: Impa!! You promised....  
  
IMPA: What color is the stuff above you?  
  
SHEIK: No clue. Don't want to know either.  
  
DIN: Don't worry, your turn will come..... **evil smile**  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST MAGAZINE: Hey Link.....who does Saria like?  
  
LINK: Payback time Sar.  
  
SARIA: You wouldn't....  
  
LINK: yeah I would. She likes Tidu. He is the Kokiri running the shop.  
  
SARIA: X_X  
  
FARORE: Are we done yet?  
  
DIN: No! Next!  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRY NEWS: Navi....Why is Tael black?  
  
NAVI: Because he fell in some black paint.  
  
TAEL: Navi!! How did you learn that? **starts crying**  
  
TATL: I told you I would get you back.....  
  
R.F.F.N.: Tatl, while you are warmed up...What is Navi like with other fairies?  
  
TATL: let's see, bossy, pushy, loud, arrogant...  
  
NAVI: That's enough now..hehe....  
  
DIN: Heh, heh. I love this right now.....  
  
NAYRU: Key is "right now"......  
  
DIN: What was that?  
  
NAYRU: Nothing..  
  
DIN: Thought so...next.  
  
REPORTER FROM WATER MAGAZINE: Ruto, is it true Zelda thinks all men are for her?  
  
RUTO: What are you nuts? Of course it's true. Just look at Linkey-poo. He looks at another girl, and she immediately gets mad.  
  
ZELDA: I'll have you fried for that comment!  
  
RUTO: Any time, anywhere...  
  
**damage control**  
  
GANNON: You guys just take all the fun out of this.  
  
LINK: Can we dump that stuff on him anyway?  
  
GANNON: I haven't even done anything....yet...  
  
DIN: **$*!^-eating grin** next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE GLOBE: Sheik....Has Impa ever done anything..... I don't know....dumb?  
  
SHEIK: Well, one time she got royally drunk......  
  
IMPA: I thought we agreed on that.  
  
SHEIK: We agreed on something else also, but you broke that one. She started jumping on the roofs and singing. It was midnight. The residents weren't happy.  
  
IMPA: Grr..  
  
ZELDA: I was wondering what that was...  
  
DIN: I'm being told that time is up.....but before I go....... **smashes her hand on the controls. All of the vats release, and everyone is a different color.**  
  
FARORE: **snicker**  
  
DIN: Now, about my pay.....  
  
**Din leaves, Farore and Nayru follow her out.**  
  
**everyone looks at each other. Then at the reporters. The cameras are going like mad. They all dash out of the room.**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Not bad. We need to do it like this more often.....  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	12. Feelings for the goddesses.................

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as always.  
  
  
  
**Everyone is in chairs again. The pipes are right above them. Farore and Nayru are standing at each end of the group. Din is at the podium, itching to hit the controls**  
  
  
  
DIN: Why can't we bring her down here?  
  
NABOORU: You can't be serious.  
  
DIN: Wanna bet?  
  
LINK: There is no way you are going to get away with that you know.  
  
DIN: She refuses to pay me!!! She deserves to turn puke green.  
  
SARIA: Don't insult green!  
  
IMPA: I wouldn't insult our author either if I were you.....  
  
DIN: What's she going to do?  
  
**paper with topic appears in front of Din**  
  
FARORE: Do I dare ask......  
  
DIN: **picks up paper** NO FAIR!  
  
AUTHOR: Plenty fair.  
  
DIN: grrr...  
  
GANNONDORF: Hey Din......**points to camera**  
  
DIN: **looks** How long have we been on?  
  
SHEIK: For about a half an hour now.  
  
DIN: -_- I hate my life...... Welcome to another "special" press conference. This has the same rules as the last one....you all still have paint above you.  
  
FARORE: I thought we were going to change that?  
  
DIN: Our author has a weak stomach. -_-()  
  
NAYRU: Oh.  
  
DIN: **looking at paper** Let's see here....the topic is........you're kidding me.....  
  
GANNON: Well?  
  
DIN: "panel's feelings and opinions on the goddesses".  
  
RAURU: What?  
  
LINK: Do you actually expect an honest answer out of us with them standing right there?  
  
AUTHOR: Let me put it this way.....If I think you are lying or kissing a$$, you will first get dumped on, then you will stand in Death Mountain Crater without any protection. As for our Goron, he will have to spend the day in Lake Hylia.  
  
DARUNIA: That's a little harsh, isn't' it?  
  
AUTHOR: Who are you more afraid of?  
  
**panel looks at goddesses, then seems to think about it.**  
  
SHEIK: Into the Evil Realm.......  
  
AUTHOR: Thought so.  
  
DIN: I'm going to hate this.....Let's start.....oh boy, here we go again. -_-()  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: What?  
  
FARORE: You people need to do some hiring.  
  
R.F.T.G.: Don't tell me, tell the management.  
  
FARORE: **under breath** bet he is the management.....  
  
R.F.T.G.: Link, since you hold the Triforce of Courage, how has your relationship with Farore gone?  
  
LINK: Are you implying something?  
  
R.F.T.G.: I'm just asking a question.  
  
LINK: You think I'm going out with her, don't you?  
  
ZELDA: We already know you are seeing Koume......:(  
  
LINK: ;-;  
  
R.F.T.G.: Well?  
  
LINK: She's OK, I guess......  
  
**pipe: dripping.........**  
  
LINK: SHE KEEPS SAYING SHE CAN CONTROL ME!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!!! MUST YOU ALWAYS TORTURE ME!!!  
  
DIN: More than I wanted to know......**glares at Farore**  
  
FARORE: Heh...heh...^_^()  
  
DIN: What is wrong with you anyway? Next question.  
  
REPORTER FROM VILLAINS MONTHLY: Gannondorf, out of the three goddesses, which are you most afraid of?  
  
GANNON: None compared to our torturer....  
  
AUTHOR: Stick to the script bozo.  
  
GANNON: **groans** Out of those three......Nayru.  
  
DIN & FARORE: O_O HER?!  
  
NAYRU: ^_^  
  
FARORE: She's the one who would never hurt anything! She once put a fly into intensive care!  
  
NAYRU: It was hurt!  
  
DIN: That was still a bit much...  
  
GANNON: Now do you see why?  
  
DIN: I stand corrected......next.  
  
REPORTER FROM GREAT BAY MAGAZINE: Ruto, other than here, do you spend any time with the goddesses?  
  
RUTO: Yeah right....We're not good enough for them......  
  
FARORE: Who came up with this whole idea anyway?  
  
NAYRU: Do you really have to ask?  
  
DIN: I don't wanna....Next please...  
  
REPORTER FROM ROYALTY NEWS: Princess Zelda, as Leader of the Sages, can you tell us exactly what the goddesses are like?  
  
ZELDA: Let's see......were to start.....  
  
R.F.R.N.: Just start with Din. It's easier to keep track of.  
  
ZELDA: All right then. Din, let's see....bossy, pushy...  
  
DIN: That's enough Zelda.  
  
ZELDA: But I still have a lot more.  
  
DIN: I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!  
  
ZELDA: Sorry, but I'm more afraid of our author than you.  
  
DIN: grrrrr....  
  
ZELDA: She insists that she can control our minds...she also said she was regretting making us..... :(  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **look at Din**  
  
DIN: What?  
  
ZELDA: Nayru is nice. She helps me with my visions and stuff.  
  
LINK: That's kissing.....  
  
ZELDA: No it isn't actually....I have proof.  
  
SHEIK: bootlicker....  
  
ZELDA: **glaring at Sheik** I'm sorry....did you say something? **glare of doom**  
  
SHEIK: no..........  
  
ZELDA: Thought so. Farore.....well, she kinda keeps to herself..she seems a bit antisocial.  
  
FARORE: I'm not antisocial!!! I just like my privacy.  
  
DIN: I'm hating this.....  
  
NABOORU: Name on that you actually liked.....  
  
DIN: There were a couple....  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES WEEKLY: Exactly which goddesses created the Fairies?  
  
NAVI/TATL/TAEL: FARORE.  
  
FARORE: :)  
  
NAVI: But you would have thought she would have done a better job....  
  
FARORE: Hey!!  
  
DIN: We have time for one more......over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT NEWS: Nabooru, what were the goddesses thinking when they created the Gerudo the way they are?  
  
NABOORU: They were on something......  
  
DIN/FARORE/NAYRU: X_X WHAT!?  
  
NABOORU: You heard me.  
  
DIN: THAT'S IT, CONFERENCE OVER!! **storms out, Farore and Nayru are right behind her.**  
  
LINK: Saved....  
  
**Din comes back in**  
  
DIN: Almost forgot...**smashes her hand on the controls...everyone turns into their own rainbow!**  
  
SHEIK: I was hoping she would forget..  
  
**Din smirks, then leaves**  
  
**rest of the gang...makes sure she is gone..then runs out**  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	13. habits/addictions

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
  
  
A/N: Fire Fairy, where are you getting your info? My sources are saying completely different stories.  
  
  
  
**Everyone is in their chairs, and the pipes are right above them. Farore and Nayru are on either side of the group preparing for damage control. Din is arguing again....3 way argument.**  
  
  
  
DIN: You have no right!!  
  
AUTHOR: I have plenty of right.  
  
DIN: Why is she getting paid so much yet you absolutely refuse to pay me?!  
  
NABOORU: Didn't we already go through this?  
  
AUTHOR: Yes. And the answer is the same. I like torturing you.  
  
DIN: What if I refuse to work? Yeah, that's what I'll do, STRIKE!!  
  
AUTHOR: Just try it.  
  
NABOORU: Can I have her job if she leaves?  
  
AUTHOR: Sure.  
  
DIN: What?!  
  
NABOORU: Well, if you don't want to be here anymore, I get your job.  
  
AUTHOR: and a raise.  
  
NABOORU: $_$  
  
DIN: Wha? How.....what......  
  
NABOORU: Let us know if you can put a sentence together.  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **snickering**  
  
DIN: Unfair!!  
  
AUTHOR: Either do your job or leave. Your choice.  
  
DIN: grrrrr......  
  
LINK: Ummmmmm....Din?  
  
DIN: WHAT!?  
  
LINK: O_O just wanted to let you know that the camera's on......  
  
DIN: **looks at camera** How long....or do I dare ask...  
  
GANNON: We got pretty much the whole argument on camera.  
  
DIN: **alternating language profanity**  
  
REPORTERS: O_O X_X  
  
DIN: Fine..... I'll do this.....  
  
NABOORU: **smirk**  
  
DIN: Welcome to another stupid press conference....today's topic....habits.  
  
LINK: What?  
  
DIN: You heard me.  
  
DARUNIA: We heard you....but do you mean just habits or addictions?  
  
DIN: We can throw them both in. It will make for more material.  
  
FARORE: Kissing now?  
  
DIN: I'm going to find a way to make her pay me..... let's start...not again..  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: I can't leave.  
  
NAYRU: Why not???!!!  
  
R.F.T.G.: The author...kinda.....um.....  
  
RUTO: Spill it already!!!  
  
R.F.T.G.: She glued me to the chair.  
  
ALL: **sweatdrop**  
  
DIN: Story of my life......just ask something.  
  
R.F.T.G.: Rauru, is it true you are addicted to food?  
  
RAURU: I wouldn't call it an addiction.......  
  
IMPA: But the rest of the living world would.  
  
RAURU: That hurts.  
  
NABOORU: Truth usually does.  
  
RAURU: I CAN STOP WHENEVER I WANT!  
  
LINK: Then go on a diet.  
  
RAURU: I don't wanna.  
  
GANNON: he can't.  
  
NABOORU: Yup.  
  
DIN: Point has been made. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRY NEWS NIGHTLY: Tatl, is it true you have made a habit out of dropping your brother into mud?  
  
TATL: I wouldn't say that.. It's not a habit..  
  
TAEL: yeah it is.  
  
TATL: IS NOT!!  
  
TAEL: IS TOO!  
  
**damage control**  
  
NAYRU: **sarcasm ** That was hard..  
  
FARORE: If only they were all this easy.  
  
DIN: I want to hurt something...next.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT NEWS: Nabooru, what were some of Gannondorf's habits?  
  
GANNON: You wouldn't dare....  
  
NABOORU: yeah I would. ^_^ let's see now...he said he couldn't go one day without some Gerudo ale...  
  
GANNON: I got help for that!!  
  
NABOORU: No you didn't. I saw you sneaking it.  
  
GANNON: ;_;  
  
NABOORU: Then he said he absolutely had to...  
  
GANNON: I FORBID YOU TO REVEAL THAT!!  
  
REPORTERS: **ready to riot if they don't get it**  
  
NABOORU: He would go into the Sea of Sand and let himself get buried up to his waist. He said he had to have the thrill.  
  
GANNON: You are so dead Nabooru!  
  
NABOORU: Somehow, I don't think so.  
  
DIN: I never knew that....next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE NIGHTLY NEWS: Zelda, is it true that you turn over all of your food before you eat it?  
  
ZELDA: Now why in the world would I do that....besides the fact I have to make sure it isn't poisoned.  
  
R.F.H.N.N.: So it is true.  
  
ZELDA: Everyone has some kind of habit. I have a habit of making sure my food isn't poisoned.  
  
SHEIK: That wasn't what you told me.....  
  
ZELDA: You be quiet.  
  
SHEIK: ^_^  
  
DIN: I really need a paycheck for all the suffering I do here.....one more....please put me out of my misery....  
  
AUTHOR: More than willing.  
  
DIN: You can't kill a goddess  
  
AUTHOR: There are things worse than death.  
  
DIN: **gulp** Ummmmmmmm...last one.....over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM SKYWARD GLOBE: Ruto, is it true you have made it a habit to jump off the waterfall in Zora's Domain every time you get dumped?  
  
RUTO: I'm being dramatic...ummmmmmmm.....yeah....I really have to.....;_;  
  
DIN: I notice you are all on extra good behavior during these.  
  
LINK: Look above us and say that again.  
  
DIN: Don't mind if I do. **smashes controls, everyone turns pure black except Impa and Gannon, they turn Hot Pink ^_^**  
  
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DIN: **smirk** **leaves**  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **shrug** **follow their sister**  
  
LINK: I hate this....hey Nabooru, can you..um......  
  
NABOORU: You want an extra hundred each time she does that?  
  
ZELDA: Kinda.  
  
NABOORU: That should be easy.  
  
**panel leaves**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: I wonder if we can trip those things....  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	14. a little torture..........and topic of a...

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
  
  
  
  
  
**The participants are set up in their chairs again, but this time there is an extra one. Din has a really evil smile on her face. Farore is on one side of the group. Nayru hasn't shown up yet.**  
  
NABOORU: What did you do now Din?  
  
DIN: Sweet payback.  
  
LINK: Why am I suddenly fearing for my life?  
  
SHEIK: The same reason the rest of us are.  
  
DIN: Now she will have to pay me.  
  
NABOORU: Somehow I doubt it. And where's your sister?  
  
DIN: Around.  
  
NAYRU: **comes in with Malon**  
  
GANNON: What, we aren't enough to torture?  
  
FARORE: **brings her to her "seat"**  
  
MALON: **looks up above her** What is that?  
  
LINK: Just answer every question and you won't have to find out.  
  
DIN: HEY UP THERE!!! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!!  
  
AUTHOR: Din, I'm busy.  
  
DIN: I got a present for you.....  
  
AUTHOR: -_- I'm not falling for that.  
  
DIN: I can't give my favorite employer a simple gift?  
  
NABOORU: Oh yeah, she's planning something.  
  
AUTHOR: Din, do the show.  
  
DIN: But you'll love it!! **presses button**  
  
  
  
**in HQ**  
  
  
  
AUTHOR: **looks up** Wait, I never had that......**purple paint comes down** installed. Din, you are so dead.  
  
  
  
  
  
**back in the Press Conference**  
  
  
  
DIN: :)  
  
AUTHOR: Really funny Din.  
  
DIN: What are you going to do, dock my pay?  
  
AUTHOR: **to panel** You all just got a 40000000000000000 rupee raise.  
  
DIN: What?!  
  
AUTHOR: Now.....here's your topic. **paper floats down to Din**  
  
DIN: Great.  
  
ZELDA: Hey, can I get a copy of this?  
  
CAMERAMAN: Sure.  
  
DIN: **looks up** How long has that thing been on?  
  
CAMERAMAN: For about an hour now.....we sent you the signals.  
  
DIN: **growls** **looks at camera** Welcome to another press conference...  
  
MALON: Is this on TV?  
  
DIN: Unfortunately.  
  
MALON: Hi dad!!!! Take care of Epona!! And....  
  
DIN: BE QUIET ALREADY!  
  
MALON: eep...  
  
NABOORU: Don't worry, she can't do anything. And we get paid pretty well for this.  
  
DIN: Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted.....our topic for today is "household appliances".  
  
LINK: Yay.  
  
DIN: **glare of doom** Let's just get this over with. How about........ I'm getting really sick of you.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Well, someone upstairs is really insistent.  
  
DIN: **groan** Just asks something so we can ignore you.  
  
R.F.T.G.: :( Fine. Sheik, is it true you put a table on top of a blender and sat on is so you could have your own merry-go-round?  
  
SHEIK: What?! Where did you come up with that one? OF COURSE NOT!!  
  
MALON: Sounds like fun though.....  
  
DIN: I hate my life......but she's purple now!!  
  
AUTHOR: Don't worry, I still have a few surprises for you.  
  
DIN: Just be happy I didn't make it puke green. Next reporter.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Zelda, electric or hand?  
  
ZELDA: Huh?  
  
R.F.H.S.: Can-opener.  
  
ZELDA: Why would I eat a can?  
  
R.F.H.S.: No, the stuff in the can! How do you open the can to get into it!?  
  
ZELDA: Why would I want to eat from a can?  
  
R.F.H.S.: Question withdrawn.  
  
NABOORU: Dumb blonde.  
  
ZELDA: What was that?  
  
NABOORU: You heard me.  
  
ZELDA: Are you trying to imply something?  
  
LINK: I think she's proving it...  
  
GANNON: You're a blond too you know.  
  
LINK: Yeah......  
  
DIN: I hate my life.........next.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA BAY: Ruto, have you ever tried to use a microwave in Zora's Domain?  
  
RUTO: Yeah.......but we had some problems. So they are not allowed there anymore.  
  
FARORE: Problems like what?  
  
RUTO: Ummmmmmmm.....four Zoras got electrocuted.....  
  
DARUNIA: **smirk**  
  
DIN: One more.....I need a head start.....  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE MOUNTAIN NEWS: Darunia, have you ever tried to use a blender to puree rock?  
  
DARUNIA: Yeah. It didn't work though........we went through 8 blenders before we finally figured it out.  
  
DIN: And that is the limit of their intelligence.....and our time. **leaves**  
  
FARORE & NAYRU: **shrug and follow**  
  
MALON: So what's up there? And no one asked me anything......  
  
LINK: Malon, that's a good thing.  
  
DIN: **coming back** Almost forgot. **smashes all the controls**  
  
  
  
**everyone is now a rainbow**  
  
  
  
DIN: **smirk** **leaves**  
  
MALON: I guess that answered that. Can we leave now?  
  
LINK: Nabooru, did you ever ask her....  
  
NABOORU: We all get a 4000 bonus for it......and every 10th time she does it, we get a trip.  
  
GANNON: Now we're talking!!  
  
PANEL: **leaves**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Maybe if I bring a slingshot.........  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	15. childhood dreams...........i don't think...

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. What did you think?  
  
  
  
  
  
**the chairs are set up the same way, and the panel is ready. The tanks above them are also ready. Din is still arguing with Nabooru. Farore and Nayru are on either side of the group. The reporters look like they are getting just a little impatient.**  
  
  
  
  
  
NABOORU: What do you care?  
  
DIN: Because she still won't pay me.  
  
NABOORU: Your point?  
  
DIN: So you get a bonus if I dump on you?  
  
NABOORU: :)  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrrrrr......  
  
MALON: So now what?  
  
LINK: For now we just watch and see if Din loses it. :)  
  
SHEIK: Does she know that the camera has been on for over an hour now?  
  
DIN: I do now. **glare of doom**  
  
SHEIK: eep....  
  
DIN: I am getting royally PO'd about that....**looks to camera** Welcome to another really stupid press conference. Today's topic is....childhood dreams? Do we really want to know?  
  
AUTHOR: Stick to the script.  
  
DIN: Make me.  
  
AUTHOR: Fine. **Zaps Din**  
  
DIN: ow.....lets start this thing before I find out what the next setting is....  
  
AUTHOR: ^_^  
  
DIN: How about..........oh for crying out loud.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: What?  
  
FARORE: Tell me something. How many people are employed at your paper?  
  
R.F.T.G.: Ummmmm....**counts on fingers** 4.  
  
GOLDEN GODDESSES: -_-()  
  
DIN: Just ask something......  
  
R.F.T.G.: Link, what did you want to be before you knew you were going to be the Hero of Time?  
  
LINK: Well, I wanted to be an explorer, you know, see every part of the Kokiri Forest.  
  
ZELDA: That's it?  
  
LINK: Well, before all this stuff happened, that was the entire world.  
  
SARIA: Got a problem over there?  
  
ZELDA: **deciding to be nice** No problem here.  
  
DIN: Next. I need some asprine....  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE DESERT NEWS: Nabooru, what did you want to become?  
  
NABOORU: I wanted to get married, have lots of children, and be completely at the beck and call of a man.  
  
WHOLE ROOM: O_O  
  
NABOORU: And if you believe that, I can sell you Zora's Domain. ^_^  
  
WHOLE ROOM: -_-()  
  
DIN: You know Nabooru...  
  
RANDOM REPORTER1: **takes out slingshot and shoots at tank above Nabooru**  
  
TANK: **dumps on Gannon**  
  
NABOORU: ^_^  
  
GANNON: What the......  
  
DIN: Wait, that hit above you.....  
  
NABOORU: I took the liberty of moving a few pipes.  
  
DIN: **groan**  
  
NABOORU: **snicker**  
  
DIN: Next.....please let this end soon.....  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Sheik, what did you want to be......a mummy? **laughter**  
  
SHEIK: :( That's NOT funny.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER2: Yeah it is.  
  
SHEIK: I wanted to become the cheiftan of my town.  
  
R.F.H.S.: So you wanted to be in politics?  
  
SHEIK: In Sheikan culture, the cheiftan is rarely the politician.  
  
DIN: This is getting really ridiculious. One more.....then I am going to get an ice pack.  
  
REPORTER FROM CLOCK TOWN DAILY: Malon, did you ever dream of doing something else?  
  
MALON: What happens if I don't answer?  
  
NABOORU: Look at Gannon.  
  
MALON: **gulp** Ummmmmm...Well, I always dreamed of being a princess..but that is clearly impossible...  
  
ZELDA: Darn right it is!  
  
DIN: I'm leaving......I really need some ice...oh...Farore?  
  
FARORE: What?  
  
DIN: Could you come over here a moment?  
  
FARORE: **comes over, and Din grabs her hand and smashes the controls with that**  
  
PANEL: **rainbow!!!**  
  
FARORE: Cheap shot.  
  
DIN: Technically, I didn't hit it.  
  
AUTHOR: I STILL COUNT IT.  
  
DIN: Darn. **leaves**  
  
FARORE/NAYRU: **shrug, leave**  
  
PANEL: **books it**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER 1: ^_^ I'm a pretty good shot...  
  
  
  
End conference. 


	16. school

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Didn't you read the other chapters?  
  
  
  
  
  
**Everything is set up like before, and the tanks are full. Most of the panel keeps looking up at them nervously. Farore and Nayru are standing at either end of the group. Din is at the podium with a really evil smile**  
  
  
  
  
  
DIN: Let me get this straight, someone wants our "esteemed" author to come down here and actually do some work?  
  
NABOORU: That's what I heard.  
  
DIN: :)  
  
NABOORU: Just remember, if the enemy is in striking distance, so are you.  
  
DIN: ..................  
  
FARORE: ^_^  
  
DIN: You're supposed to be on my side!  
  
FARORE: Since when? I heard she might start doing that next chapter, she is still thinking about it.  
  
DIN: So what would happen to us?  
  
NAYRU: **points up to the tanks and 3 empty chairs**  
  
DIN: You have got to be kidding me....  
  
AUTHOR: You have had it coming for a long time.  
  
DIN: No I don't.  
  
AUTHOR: Hey Din, wanna know something?  
  
DIN: Probably not....  
  
AUTHOR: Look at the camera.  
  
DIN: **looks** **random profanity**  
  
CAMERAMAN: It's not our fault you don't wanna look at the signals.  
  
DIN: Someone is going to get a slow, painful death....  
  
AUTHOR: But not today or in my lifetime.  
  
DIN: How old are you? (hope hope)  
  
AUTHOR: I know what you are thinking.....and I'm 22.  
  
DIN: damn.  
  
AUTHOR: Do your job, this will be the last one you have any control over.  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrrrr........Welcome to my last Press Conference....  
  
AUTHOR: You'll be in them, just not hosting.  
  
DIN: .......................I hate you.  
  
AUTHOR: We aim to please. ^_^  
  
DIN: Whatever. Our topic for today is......you're joking, right?  
  
NAYRU: Just do it so we can go home.  
  
DIN: School.  
  
PANEL: O_O  
  
DIN: That's what I said. Let's get this over with.......Oh for crying out loud, you AGAIN?!  
  
  
  
**can you guess the running gag yet? ^_^**  
  
  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: There is nothing saying I can't come, we are a ligit paper.  
  
FARORE: At least send someone else once in a while......  
  
R.F.T.G.: Someone has to make sure our office stays in one piece.  
  
DIN: Grrrrr......ask already!!!!  
  
R.F.T.G.: o_O This is for Link and Saria, are there any schools in the forest?  
  
LINK: Not that I know of.  
  
SARIA: The Deku Tree, and now the Deku Sprout, gave us all the knowledge we need when he created us.  
  
R.F.T.G.: So how did Link learn to read?  
  
SARIA: That was me.  
  
DIN: No one really cares.  
  
SARIA: ;-;  
  
DIN: Get over it. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT STAR MAGAZINE: Nabooru, when do Gerudo start their schooling?  
  
NABOORU: It isn't schooling like the others are.....They start training with weapons at five...we teach them to read Gerudo all along...at 10 we start with projectile weapons like Bows or Slingshots.  
  
DIN: That explains a bit...  
  
NABOORU: I know....but we have a rep for being beautiful and deadly. And now you know how we get it.  
  
DIN: Next question........preferably before I get a migraine..  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY: Do the fairies have schools?  
  
TAEL: Yeah.  
  
TATL: Unfortunatly.  
  
NAVI: I loved it.  
  
TATL: YOU GOT TO BE PROM QUEEN!!! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!  
  
NAVI: Well, people like me more.  
  
TATL: Why.....you.....  
  
FARORE/NAYRU: **damage control**  
  
DIN: That reminds me, who is going to keep the fights from breaking out..  
  
AUTHOR: Don't worry, you'll see....  
  
DIN: I'm afraid to ask.... Next question.  
  
REPORTER FROM SAGES STAR MAGAZINE: Rauru, did you ever go to school?  
  
RAURU: Didn't have time...I had to eat you know.  
  
IMPA: More than I wanted to know.  
  
SHEIK: You mean you ate that much when you were a kid too?  
  
RAURU: Actually, I have been eating less since I grew up.  
  
GANNON: If that's less, I don't want to know what he ate as a kid....  
  
DIN: I really don't feel well.....next question!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA RANCHERS DAILY: Malon, did you ever have time for school?  
  
MALON: Most farm people don't. I'm one of them.....Link taught me how to read.  
  
LINK: ^_^  
  
ZELDA: Link, I haven't forgotten.....  
  
LINK: cripes.....  
  
DIN: You just won't let that go will you?  
  
ZELDA: HE SAID HE LOVES THE HAG MORE THAN ME!!!!!!!!  
  
WHOLE ROOM MINUS ZELDA: O_O X_X  
  
DIN: Zel, blood pressure. Next reporter.  
  
REPORTER FROM OCEAN WAVE WEEKLY: Ruto, what kind of things did you learn at school?  
  
RUTO: Well, we learned how to catch our food, although in my case it really wasn't necessary. We have a lot of music education. Another thing that is taught is self defense with either our fin blades if we have them or just hand to hand combat.  
  
DIN: Oooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkay then. One more question. You in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM MORNING STAR MAGAZINE: This is for Sheik, did you wear those bandages to school? Or did you actually have normal clothes.  
  
SHEIK: You hate me don't you.  
  
DIN: Answer the question.  
  
SHEIK: Make me.  
  
DIN: Suit yourself. **hits button**  
  
PAINT: **dumps on Gannon**  
  
GANNON: I am getting just a little annoyed with that......  
  
NABOORU: ^_^  
  
DIN: You have something to do with this don't you?  
  
NABOORU: Amazing what you can do with a wrench and a flashlight. ^_^  
  
DIN: So all of them are over Gannon?  
  
GANNON: I hope not!!  
  
NABOORU: No, they're just all messed up.  
  
DIN: Great. Just answer the question Sheik or I'll hurt you myself.  
  
SHEIK: You can't do that.  
  
DIN: What's she going to do, demote me?  
  
SHEIK: **now fearing for his life** uuuuuuuuummmmmm... I have been wearing the bandages since I was about ten years old. So yeah, I did wear them to school. Though I don't understand the constant bugging me about it...  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Because you are an easy target.  
  
SHEIK: :( That's not fair.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Life's not fair. Get over it.  
  
DIN: Conference over. **looks at controls** Oh what the hey. **smashes them**  
  
**RAINBOW!!**  
  
DIN: **smirking** I feel better now. **leaves**  
  
FARORE/NAYRU: **look at each other**  
  
FARORE: So now they can come after us?  
  
NAYRU: I guess so.  
  
**Both look up at the tanks**  
  
FARORE/NAYRU: **gulp** **leave**  
  
PANEL: **rushes the door**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: This should be good....  
  
End conference.  
  
  
  
  
  
OK people. I am kinda running out of ideas for topics. Any suggestions? 


	17. vacation! And new damage control :

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Take a wild guess. If you say I don't own it, you are a genius. I also don't own any of the Final Fantasy games.  
  
  
  
  
  
**The chairs are set up. This time, Din, Farore and Nayru are in some as well. Also, there is an empty one among the group. The podium with the infamous controls is off to the side. But no one is standing at it. The reporters are starting to get itchy.**  
  
  
  
  
  
DIN: What is taking her?  
  
FARORE: Probably trying to think of a way to torture you she hasn't used yet.  
  
DIN: grrrr..  
  
ZELDA: Why is she doing this? Do you realize what is happening to my hair?  
  
MALON: Mine's fine.....  
  
ZELDA: Start spilling.  
  
MALON: Come over after. I'll show you.  
  
ZELDA: Thanks.  
  
LINK: Women.  
  
GANNON: Keep in mind the author is a girl too.  
  
LINK: I just put my foot in my mouth didn't I?  
  
RAURU: Oh yeah.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: LET'S GET STARTED ALREADY!!!  
  
PANEL: O_O  
  
RUTO: Does it look like we have any control over her?  
  
**enter Skullkid**  
  
SK **so I'm lazy**: This room 374?  
  
SARIA: Yeah, welcome to the Evil Realm.  
  
SK: ???  
  
NAYRU: Your chair is this one. **points**  
  
SK: Why do I have a feeling of dread?  
  
LINK: Join the nightmare.  
  
DARUNIA: You didn't see our lovely author on your way over her did you?  
  
SK: What does she look like?  
  
DIN: Dark hair....usually wearing black or purple...and those stupid knee- high boots.  
  
SK: You mean the one who was looking at torture devices next door?  
  
PANEL: **gulp**  
  
REPORTERS: :)  
  
**Enter female human in early twenties, in a black dress and the knee-high boots. She has a silver bracelet on and an indigo headband holding her hair out of her face. There is also a sweet looking sword at her side, as well as a bow over her shoulder. She gives the patented 'you are so dead' look to Din**  
  
AUTHOR: Sorry I'm late. They have some interesting things next door, and I'm wondering...  
  
DIN: Well, stop.  
  
AUTHOR: You are no fun whatsoever.  
  
FARORE: Well, since you are now part of this, do we have to keep calling you 'author'?  
  
AUTHOR: Hmmmm.....I see your point. So call me Ariana.  
  
DIN: What kind of stupid, idiotic....**suddenly turns bright green**  
  
ARIANA: **still has hand on button** What was that?  
  
DIN: Never mind.  
  
ARIANA: Thought so. **looks at camera** Did you get all that?  
  
CAMERAMAN: We started an hour ago, just like you said.  
  
ARIANA: Good.  
  
DIN: O_O What?!  
  
ARIANA: Got a problem? **itchy finger**  
  
DIN: no.....  
  
SHEIK: This is gonna suck.  
  
IMPA: You mean it was good before?  
  
SHEIK: She's going to be even worse..  
  
NABOORU: So now what?  
  
ARIANA: How about we get started? Hi Skullkid. I see you got the invite.  
  
SK: What is this anyway?  
  
SHEIK: Very simple. They **points to reporters** ask really stupid and pointless questions, and we have to answer or turn the color of our glorious leader's choice.  
  
SK: gulp.....  
  
ARIANA: So let's get this officially started. Welcome to the Hyrule Press Conference. Our topic for today is vacations.  
  
LINK: Where in the world did you come up with that one?  
  
ARIANA: If they don't suggest, I have to pull one out from wherever I can. And I am struggling with writer's block on two of my other stories. So I decided to come torture you guys for a while. **sweet smile**  
  
SHEIK: You aren't fooling anyone you know.  
  
ARIANA: It's Saturday, I'm bored, and I just had a lot of sugar. Happy now?  
  
SHEIK: eep!  
  
ARIANA: So let's get started. **looks out at reporters** Hey Chris!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Hi.  
  
ARIANA: These guys give you any problems?  
  
R.F.T.G.: Well, they seem to believe that I don't belong here....  
  
ARIANA: Oh really.........  
  
DIN: gulp....  
  
ARIANA: Go ahead. :)  
  
R.F.T.G.: Link, what would your dream vacation be?  
  
LINK: Do I have to?  
  
ARIANA: **still has the itchy finger**  
  
LINK: **notices** ummmmmmmmm......., heck with it. I'm dead either way. My dream vacation would be a romantic trip to Great Bay with my true love..  
  
ZELDA: The HAG!  
  
NABOORU: You know, if she was able to brainwash me.....  
  
ZELDA: I want proof of that first.  
  
ARIANA: ^_^ I should have done this long ago. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HEAVENLY NEWS: This is for the Goddesses, what would your dream vacations be?  
  
DIN: Anything that gets me away from her **points to Ariana**  
  
ARIANA: **finger poised over button**  
  
DIN: I dare you.  
  
ARIANA: OK....**presses button**  
  
DIN: **is now bright red** I hate you.  
  
FARORE: That's what you get for mouthing off.  
  
NAYRU: We still have to answer.  
  
FARORE: I realize that. Great Bay does sound nice though......just keep me out of their sight...**points to Link**  
  
NAYRU: I like actually doing something, but since I am a goddess, it is really hard to find a challenge.  
  
ARIANA: I got one for ya, but it wouldn't be a vacation.  
  
NAYRU: I think I know what you are talking about.....and no.  
  
ARIANA: Just a thought. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FAIRIES MONTHLY: What kinds of things do fairies do on vacation?  
  
NAVI: I usually just stay in bed. Especially after all that stuff with Gannon over there.  
  
GANNON: :)  
  
TATL: I like to explore.  
  
TAEL: I find hiding places from my sister.  
  
TATL: WHAT!!??  
  
TAEL: You scare me.  
  
TATL: I'll show you scary!! **advances on Tael**  
  
**shot is heard**  
  
PANEL/REPORTERS: O_O  
  
ARIANA: Oh yeah. Our new damage control is here.  
  
**Enter Squall (FF VIII, uses a gunblade) and Vincent (FF VII, uses a rifle)**  
  
DIN: You're kidding, right? **nervous laugh**  
  
ARIANA: Nope. I figure these guys can keep you in line. Oh, and make sure you don't piss off Vincent.  
  
SK: I'm not going to ask. Who was damage control before?  
  
ARIANA: Farore and Nayru. Next reporter please!  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST WEEKLY: This is for both Skullkid and Saria, what kind of vacations did you have?  
  
SK: I went to Termina.....  
  
LINK: After you stole a certain mask.  
  
SK: I liked that mask! It was cool......until it possessed me.....and you tried to beat me up......now I'm all depressed.  
  
LINK: You brought it on yourself.  
  
SARIA: **choosing not to get involved** I couldn't really go on any vacations....we couldn't leave the forest.....so I would just go deep into the Lost Woods.  
  
ARIANA: Can I come?  
  
DIN: Yeah, make sure she gets really lost. **turns blue** I am really hating you right now.  
  
ARIANA: Then behave. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE NEWS 2854: Rauru, what do you do on vacation?  
  
RAURU: Well, I get to eat more.....and I can watch all of my favorite shows on all of my screens!  
  
IMPA: How many TV's do you have there?  
  
RAURU: On in each room. Three in my main room.  
  
IMPA: I had to ask.  
  
GANNON: How can he eat more?  
  
SHEIK: Don't ask.  
  
ARIANA: I'm going to stop at one more. How about....you way in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT STAR: This is for Nabooru and Gannondorf, what kind of vacation do you dream of?  
  
GANNON: Getting out of the Evil Realm for something other than this thing would be nice. **turns pink** That wasn't necessary!!!!!!  
  
ARIANA: My hand slipped. :)  
  
NABOORU: I like her.  
  
DIN: You would. **suddenly black** How many tanks do you have up there?!  
  
ARIANA: I changed the system a bit. The tanks are in the ceiling, but the pipes from them go to each of you. I just pick one of you and a color.  
  
NABOORU: ^_^  
  
ARIANA: You still have to answer.  
  
NABOORU: I know, but seeing Gannon hot pink is just priceless! Can I get a copy of the tape?  
  
ARIANA: Sure.  
  
NABOORU: OK, the question. Since I live in the desert, for a vacation I usually head down to Lake Hylia. You know, just a change of scenery.  
  
ARIANA: Cool. That is all for today's press conference. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. Leave whenever you are ready. **leaves room**  
  
DIN: **sneaks over to controls, and smashes them all**  
  
PANEL: **RAINBOW!!!**  
  
ARIANA: **comes back in and looks around, Din is still at the controls** Everyone can start making their travel plans, 'cause if she does that again, you all get your trips.  
  
PANEL: YEAH!!  
  
  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	18. jobs

The Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The same as always  
  
A/N: This will be the last FF.Net update of this story. I have moved it to my personal page, which you can link to from the homepage listed on my bio. (if you actually care).  
  
  
  
A/N2: I like torturing Din. :)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**Everyone is sitting in their chairs, looking oh-so-thrilled. The usual argument is going on. Squall and Vincent are looking a bit confused.**  
  
  
  
DIN: I will walk if you don't pay me.  
  
ARIANA: Try it. I dare you.  
  
DIN: I really will!  
  
NABOORU: No you won't.  
  
DIN: **facing Nabs** You don't think I will?!  
  
NABOORU: If you walk, all of our lives will be easier.  
  
DIN: **frowns** I hate you.  
  
NABOORU: ^_^  
  
SQUALL: **to Sheik** Is this normal?  
  
SHEIK: Yeah, pretty much. How much are you guys getting for being here anyway?  
  
SQUALL: I'm getting 100000gil for being here. How about you?  
  
SHEIK: At least 500000000 rupees.  
  
SQUALL: Different lands, right?  
  
SHEIK: Pretty much. What's with the other guy?  
  
LINK: Yeah, he looks like a messed up vampire.  
  
VINCENT: **overhears, cocks gun**  
  
LINK: I take it back.......**gulp**  
  
VINCENT: **glare, turns away**  
  
ZELDA: He is kinda handsome.....  
  
DIN: Are you people done yet? Can we just get this over with!?  
  
ARIANA: TIME CHECK!  
  
CAMERAMAN: Running for 30 minutes now.  
  
ARIANA: Thanks.  
  
DIN: O_O What is with that!?  
  
ARIANA: I don't wanna miss the good stuff.  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrrrrr.......  
  
ARIANA: ^_^ Welcome to another Press Conference. Today's topic will be jobs. Lets start with Chris!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Thanks. ^_^ Hey Link, what have you been doing to get money after you defeated Gannon?  
  
LINK: Well, Malon had me clean out the stables for 5 rupees..  
  
SHEIK: She got you to do it for only 5? Boy are you a sucker.  
  
LINK: **glare**  
  
ARIANA: Ouch. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM SKYWARD NEWS: This is for the goddesses, it is true you just make whatever money you want appear instead of working for it?  
  
DIN: That's dishonest.  
  
FARORE: Really, why in the world would we do that?  
  
NAYRU: They do. I make everything I need myself.  
  
DIN/FARORE: NAYRU!!!  
  
ARIANA: What we learn.........next.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA NEWS 38: Skullkid, what do you do for a job?  
  
SK: Well, I just do odd stuff around, cut grass, move rocks for the Kokiri, that kind of stuff.  
  
ARIANA: And you wonder why you have no money. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE GLOBE: Zelda, exactly how hard is it to be princess?  
  
ZELDA: Well, I have all that stupid paperwork, I have to keep the castle in line, I have to keep Ruto in line...  
  
RUTO: Hey!  
  
ZELDA: **smirk** I have to keep things running you know. I WAS going to have help, until I found out about a certain someone's other love. **glare**  
  
LINK: **ready to sink through the floor**  
  
ARIANA: Why didn't I do this earlier? Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM MOUNTAIN TIMES: Do the Gorons need to work?  
  
DARUNIA: Not really, all our food is rocks, and that can be found anywhere.  
  
DIN: Which explains why they are so lazy and stupid.  
  
DARUNIA: What?!  
  
DIN: You heard me. What are you going do to about it?  
  
DARUNIA: **advances**  
  
SQUALL: **places gunblade between them**  
  
ARIANA: Don't mess with these guys.  
  
LINK: Like Vampire-boy over there can do anything.  
  
VINCENT: What was that? **Chaos growing**  
  
ARIANA: Apologize.  
  
LINK: No.  
  
VINCENT: **unleashes Chaos, attacks Link**  
  
  
  
**Five minutes later**  
  
  
  
LINK: X_X  
  
VINCENT: **back to normal** Anyone else got a problem?  
  
ALL: **shake heads**  
  
ARIANA: Vincent, have you ever heard of "overkill"?  
  
VINCENT: Your point?  
  
ARIANA: **sigh** Well, since you completely wrecked the set, we have to end this. Leave whenever. **leaves**  
  
DIN: **looks up, sees pipes still in tact. Goes over and smashes controls. Paint dumps on everyone, including Squall and Vincent**  
  
VINCENT: **about to lose it again**  
  
ARIANA: **comes back in** Forgot my sword. **looks around** Remember those trips? You leave day after tomorrow. **grabs Vincent and prevents transformation, then drags him out.**  
  
EVERYONE ELSE: **Leaves**  
  
REPORTERS: **trying to free themselves from the rubble**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: What was she thinking about that guy?  
  
  
  
End conference. 


	19. heads up

Hyrule Press Conference: Here's the Deal  
  
  
  
  
  
OK, here's how this is going to work. If by some miracle, the site decides that it can still be here (Translation: If it is here after Oct. 12) I will begin updating again. Otherwise, it will only be on my site, www.geocities.com/ariana114/fanfiction.html So that's your heads up for those reading this.  
  
  
  
Ariana, RB Float of Doom 


	20. families, I realize this is short

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing this  
  
A/N: WHOO-HOO!!! It's still here!!! So here's another one!!!  
  
  
  
**the group is seated under the vats like usual. The podium is unmanned at the moment. Zelda and Malon both have tans and are trying to show off. Ruto is yelling at them to knock it off. Din looks like she has a migraine coming on. The others are just watching the door. The reporters are in their seats. Cameras are rolling, but as usual, everyone is oblivious.**  
  
  
  
  
  
SHEIK: Where is she.....  
  
LINK: Maybe if we're lucky, she'll get lost and we won't have to do this.  
  
SK: Yeah, like that's going to happen.  
  
SHEIK: We can dream....  
  
ZELDA: Hey guys, who do you think got a better tan?  
  
SHEIK: Nabooru.  
  
NABOORU: ???  
  
MALON: Her skin is supposed to be that color you morons!  
  
LINK: Like we are stupid enough to go between you two.  
  
ZELDA/MALON: grrrrrrrrrr.....  
  
DIN: **groan**  
  
ARIANA: **coming in** Looks like we're back on the air. Cameras rolling?  
  
CAMERAMAN: For the last half-hour.  
  
DIN: QUIT DOING THAT!!  
  
NABOORU: **snicker**  
  
ARIANA: **now behind podium** Have you learned your lesson Din?  
  
DIN: **refusing to even look**  
  
ARIANA: Whatever. Welcome to another Press Conference. Today's topic will be families.  
  
TAEL: Oh great...  
  
ARIANA: Where is our damage control?  
  
SHEIK: Squall said something about sharpening his blade, Vampire boy just hasn't shown up yet.  
  
ARIANA: Where....**sees Squall come in** You're late.  
  
SQUALL: **shrugs**  
  
DIN: joy.  
  
ARIANA: You didn't see Vincent on the way over did you?  
  
SQUALL: Nope.  
  
ARIANA: Guess we're doing this without him. Let's get this started. Right here.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Tael, are you afraid of your sister?  
  
TAEL: What do you think?! She's INSANE!  
  
TATL: What?! What do you mean by that?!  
  
ARIANA: Oooooooookkkkkkkkkk......next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Zelda, do you know anything about your mother?  
  
ZELDA: Not much, she died when I was still a baby... ;-;  
  
IMPA: **comforting Zelda**  
  
ARIANA: Let's move on before we all start crying..  
  
REPORTER FROM GREAT BAY MONTHLY: Ruto, why is your father so fat?  
  
RUTO: HE'S NOT FAT! WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?! @_@  
  
R.F.G.B.M.: Because he is.  
  
RUTO: That's not my father.  
  
ALL: ???  
  
RUTO: He's a stand in. Like my Father would ever leave himself so open.  
  
ARIANA: Ooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkk.......next.  
  
REPORTER FROM SHEIKAN LIGHT MAGAZINE: Sheik, were your parents mummies? **starts laughing**  
  
SHEIK: I refuse to answer stupid questions.  
  
ARIANA: **finger over button**  
  
SHEIK: You can pour as much of that as you want, I'm not answering that.  
  
ARIANA: Suit yourself. **black tar comes down, followed by feathers (sorry, I had to do that once ^_^)**  
  
SHEIK: **looks at himself** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DIN: She's getting worse.  
  
ARIANA: It's 1:30 in the morning. You expected something coherent?  
  
DIN: Point made.  
  
SHEIK: I will have my revenge for this.  
  
DIN: Good luck.  
  
ARIANA: Watch it or you will be joining him.  
  
DIN: **silent**  
  
ARIANA: Thought so. Since it is so late, we'll only take one more.  
  
FARORE: Thank you........  
  
ARIANA: **glare**  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST NATIONAL: Saria, do Kokiri have families?  
  
SARIA: We are all one big family. We don't have parents per se, but we have lots of siblings!  
  
ARIANA: I'm going to bed, so we're going to end this here. Now, where the heck did Vincent go..... **leaves**  
  
REPORTERS: **looking at panel**  
  
PANEL: **collective gulp, rush out**  
  
SQUALL: Was there really a point to showing up.....**leaves**  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: Next time, let's have this at a reasonable hour.  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	21. families part II

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
  
  
Random-Thought-O-Meter: How do I keep getting reviews with a blank for the reviewer?  
  
  
  
  
  
**The dais is ready, the vats are full. Squall is standing off to one side. The usual chatter is going on. The podium housing the controls is unmanned at the moment.**  
  
  
  
SHEIK: There must be some way to get her back for this.  
  
DIN: What do you think I have been trying to do?!  
  
LINK: What if we all walk out?  
  
NABOORU: You don't get paid.  
  
MALON: We do get a lot for this.....  
  
DIN: What do you mean? I am still on "volunteer" status.  
  
LINK: You need to do some better bargaining.  
  
DIN: **sigh**  
  
SHEIK: Speaking of our glorious leader, where is she?  
  
SQUALL: **shrug**  
  
ZELDA: You're a fountain of information, you know that?  
  
**Ariana comes in dragging Vincent behind her. Vincent is trying to load his Death Penalty.**  
  
ARIANA: You. Over here. **shoves him into his position**  
  
VINCENT: Was that really necessary?  
  
ARIANA: You didn't show yesterday. Care to explain why?  
  
VINCENT: I was sleeping like every other normal person.  
  
ARIANA: Are you saying that I'm weird?!  
  
DIN: He'd be right if he was.  
  
ARIANA: **death glare** Cameras are on, right?  
  
CAMERAMAN: For the last half-hour, just like you said.  
  
DIN: That is getting really annoying.  
  
ARIANA: Deal with it.  
  
FARORE: Can we get this over with please.  
  
ARIANA: Fine. In today's press conference, we will be continuing the topic from yesterday. That topic is families. **looks at Sheik.**  
  
SHEIK: Do you realize how long it took me to get clean after that?!  
  
ARIANA: Maybe now you will behave. Let's get started!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: This for Darunia, what kind of families do Gorons have?  
  
DARUNIA: Parents and kids.........  
  
R.F.T.G.: Where are the females?  
  
DARUNIA: Out with the others. Unless you really want to get up close, both genders look exactly the same.  
  
ARIANA: I don't think I want to get that close.....next.  
  
REPORTER FROM SHEIKAN STAR: Impa, what was your family like?  
  
IMPA: I was orphaned at an early age, so I don't really know much about my biological family. My foster family was a bit strange....They kept trying to tell me I was a Kokiri....  
  
ARIANA: Say what?  
  
IMPA: I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.  
  
ARIANA: Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYLIAN NEWS 27: Link, do you have any memories of your parents at all?  
  
LINK: Only a faint memory of a woman holding me. That's all I can remember... it doesn't really help me much.  
  
ARIANA: Poor Link.  
  
LINK: It hasn't been so bad. I had Saria for a sister, and she helped me a lot.  
  
SARIA: ^_^  
  
ARIANA: Next reporter. ^_^  
  
REPORTER FROM SAGES MONTHLY: Rauru, what was your family like?  
  
RAURU: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............  
  
EVERYONE: **stares at Rauru**  
  
NABOORU: **pokes with the end of her scimitar, Rauru doesn't even flinch**  
  
ARIANA: You have got to be kidding me. Vincent, do you mind?  
  
VINCENT: **shoots Death Penalty into the air**  
  
RAURU: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ARIANA: Welcome back. I'm glad you are enjoying yourself.  
  
RAURU: **glare**  
  
ARIANA: Now answer the question.  
  
RAURU: No. I'm going back to sleep.  
  
ARIANA: Fine. Hey Nabs....  
  
NABOORU: Neon green.  
  
ARIANA: **pushes button, Rauru turns neon green**  
  
RAURU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!???  
  
ARIANA: You know the rules. One more question.  
  
REPORTER FROM HEAVENLY SKY NEWS: This is for the three goddesses, what is it like being sisters?  
  
FARORE: Kind of a pain, actually.  
  
NAYRU: Din thinks that since she is the oldest, she is supreme ruler.  
  
DIN: Better than being the baby.  
  
FARORE: You're the baby.  
  
DIN: What?!  
  
NAYRU: She's right...  
  
DIN: Farore, you're just jealous because I got all the good power.  
  
ARIANA: You guys can argue later. I'm outta here. **leaves**  
  
DIN: Heck with it. **goes over to podium and hits the controls.**  
  
PAINT: **all comes down on Din**  
  
ALL: @_@  
  
ARIANA: **comes back in** Did I mention I booby-trapped the console? ^_^  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrrrrrrrr........  
  
  
  
  
  
End conference. 


	22. Dreams as in what you have while you sle...

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
  
  
A/N: What do you mean by "imports"? I'm not sure I understand....  
  
  
  
  
  
**The group is in their chairs with a look of dread. Except for Din who is snickering. Squall and Vincent have already taken up their positions. The podium with the controls is unmanned. Cameras are rolling, and as usual no one knows it.**  
  
  
  
SHEIK: What are you so happy about?  
  
DIN: You'll see.....  
  
RUTO: What did you do, and how bad will we all be punished for it.  
  
DIN: You have no sense of humor whatsoever.  
  
LINK: It's not us you need to worry about having a sense of humor.  
  
**Enter Ariana**  
  
ARIANA: Very funny Din.  
  
DIN: I thought it was.  
  
ARIANA: Too bad it didn't go off.  
  
DIN: ...............  
  
LINK: Dare I ask what it was?  
  
ARIANA: The stupidest trick anyone can pull. The "can of paint on top of the door" bit.  
  
EVERYONE: **facefault**  
  
ARIANA: That's what I said when I saw it. **steps up to podium** Cameras rolling?  
  
CAMERAMAN: Started a half-hour ago, just like you said.  
  
PANEL: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........  
  
ARIANA: Get used to it. Welcome to another Hyrule Press Conference. Today's topic will be dreams.  
  
GANNON: Dreams?  
  
ARIANA: Yeah, you know, the things you see when you are sleeping?  
  
SK: Thank you Ms. Sarcasm.  
  
ARIANA: You're welcome. ^_^ So let's get this party started!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Link, have you ever dreamed about your true love?  
  
LINK: Well.....**sees Zelda's glare** A couple of times....  
  
ZELDA: I'll bet you have. **death glare**  
  
ARIANA: ^_^ Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Zelda, what are your dreams like?  
  
ZELDA: The only dreams I usually have are my prophecies. If I do have any more, I don't remember them.  
  
ARIANA: Is that good or bad? Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM OCEAN WAVE MAGAZINE: This is for both Impa and Sheik, what kinds of dreams do you have?  
  
IMPA: I'm not at liberty to say.  
  
ARIANA: You better have a darn good reason.  
  
IMPA: That's personal. **turns bright red**  
  
ARIANA: So is that. You gonna answer now?  
  
IMPA: I dream about my husband. Happy now?  
  
ZELDA: I never knew you were married.  
  
IMPA: Didn't last long...we married a few weeks before the Great War. He died during the war.  
  
ARIANA: I don't see why you couldn't just say that. Your turn Sheik.  
  
SHEIK: I was hoping you would forget.  
  
RANDOM REPORTER: He dreams about mummies!!  
  
SHEIK: X_X That's not funny!  
  
ARIANA: Yeah it is.  
  
SHEIK: grrrrrrrrr........ I dream about not hearing the mummy cracks everywhere I go. Happy now?  
  
ARIANA: Not really. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST MONTHLY NEWS: Saria, what kinds of dreams do you have?  
  
SARIA: Well, I dream of cute puppies, full and vibrant trees, little kittens.....  
  
ARIANA: Cootie alert.  
  
SARIA: Hey!  
  
ARIANA: We have time for one more. You in the back.  
  
REPORTER FROM HEAVENLY SHINER: This is for all three goddesses, what kinds of dreams do you have?  
  
DIN: I dream of Ariana here being in the Evil Realm for eternity.  
  
ARIANA: I love you too.  
  
FARORE: I don't sleep, so I can't dream.  
  
NAYRU: I thought it was because of that nightmare you had when we were younger.  
  
FARORE: SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
ARIANA: Please do tell....... :)  
  
FARORE: Nayru, I will make you pay for this. I dreamed that there was a monster out to get me. And it did get me..........and that was why I am in green......  
  
ARIANA: Interesting.......  
  
NAYRU: I dream of water.  
  
ARIANA: That's it?!  
  
NAYRU: Pretty much.  
  
DIN: She has no life.  
  
ARIANA: So I see. Well, that ends today's press conference. Leave whenever. **leaves**  
  
DIN: **examines podium, then takes a rock (don't ask where she got it) and smashes the whole thing**  
  
EVERYONE INCLUDING REPORTERS: **RAINBOW!**  
  
ARIANA: **comes back in, sees podium in pieces** DIN! YOU ARE SO DEAD!  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	23. dream homes

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as every other chapter.  
  
  
  
A/N: I'll torture whomever I want. Link is an easy target.  
  
  
  
  
  
**The chairs are set up in usual position. Everyone is in the room. And like usual, oblivious.**  
  
  
  
DIN: Why did she get a raise?  
  
ARIANA: Because she isn't a royal pain.  
  
RUTO: **counting rupees**  
  
NABOORU: **snicker**  
  
DIN: It isn't fair. I should get paid too.  
  
ARIANA: I'll pay you when Hell freezes over.  
  
DIN: That can be arranged.  
  
ARIANA: ..............not touching it.  
  
DIN: What?  
  
FARORE: You still aren't getting paid?  
  
NAYRU: She started paying us too.  
  
DIN: WHAT!?  
  
ARIANA: **evil grin**  
  
DIN: You realize how annoying you are, right?  
  
ARIANA: Yup.  
  
NABOORU: Can I get a copy of this? This is too good.  
  
DIN: Copy?.........**looks at camera, cameraman smiles** WHAT IS WITH THAT!?  
  
ARIANA: It's funny.  
  
SHEIK: You have a strange sense of humor.  
  
ARIANA: Everyone ready? Where is the damage control?  
  
**Link and Gannon look away**  
  
ARIANA: I'm not sure what is worse, finding out where you stashed them, or the idea of you two working together.  
  
LINK: They're around......  
  
ARIANA: I don't have time for this. **author powers**  
  
**Squall and Vincent appear**  
  
GANNON: No fair.  
  
ARIANA: Plenty fair. **looks to camera** Ready?  
  
CAMERAMAN: Whenever you are.  
  
ARIANA: Welcome to another press conference. Today's topic is dream homes.  
  
DIN: Oh boy...  
  
ARIANA: .....I won't say it. Starting over there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Link, what is your dream home?  
  
LINK: Well, it wouldn't be in the Kokiri Forest....Maybe a nice mansion on the lake...  
  
ZELDA: With the HAG!  
  
ARIANA: Zelda, get some counseling already. Sheesh.  
  
REPORTER FROM DESERT WEEKLY: Nabooru, do you have any idea on a house of your own?  
  
NABOORU: I'll be living in the Gerudo Fortress until I die, so there is no point in creating a dream home.  
  
ARIANA: How about some AC?  
  
NABOORU: Just because you couldn't take it......  
  
DIN: I gotta hear this.  
  
ARIANA: No you don't. Next.  
  
DIN: No fun at all.  
  
REPORTER FROM HYRULE STAR: Ruto, what kind of home would you like?  
  
RUTO: Maybe a nice palace made of crystal....or ice if you can get it not to melt.  
  
DIN: Why don't we just freeze you?  
  
RUTO: Green-eyed monster got ya Din?  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrr.....  
  
REPORTER FROM MOUNTAIN GLOBE: Darunia, do you have an idea for a dream home?  
  
DARUNIA: Lots of rocks.  
  
WHOLE ROOM: **facefault**  
  
ARIANA: Thank you very much. -_- Next!  
  
REPORTER FROM SAGES MONTHLY: Rauru, what kind of house would you like?  
  
RAURU: Well, it would have to have lots of refrigerators......  
  
ARIANA: Well, let's stop that one there...  
  
RAURU: But I'm not done! Lots of snack tables, **suddenly bright pink**  
  
ARIANA: We know, you want to fit a lot of food. Next!  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA CANYON WEEKLY: This is for Saria and the Skullkid, what kind of places do you want to live in?  
  
SARIA: I'm perfectly happy in the forest.  
  
SK: Can I go to Vegas?  
  
ARIANA: Yeah, right.  
  
SK: Darn. How about LA?  
  
ARIANA: You're staying right here.  
  
SK: Miami?  
  
ARIANA: Do it again and you will be neon pink.  
  
SK: Ummmmmm....skip it.  
  
ARIANA: Thought so. One more for today.  
  
REPORTER FROM SHEIKAN NEWS CHANNEL 26: This is for Impa and Sheik, what kinds of homes do you dream about?  
  
SHEIK: One with extra strong locks.  
  
ARIANA: Are you implying something?  
  
SHEIK: Not a thing.  
  
IMPA: I just want to be out of the way. Maybe a nice cottage at the far end of Lake Hylia.  
  
ARIANA: That's all for today! See ya later! **leaves**  
  
SQUALL: We aren't getting any work here.  
  
VINCENT: These guys are either scared of her or us. You pick.  
  
SQUALL/VINCENT: **look at panel**  
  
PANEL: **point to podium**  
  
VINCENT: That explains it. **leaves**  
  
SQUALL: Wait up! You know where the bar is right? **leaves**  
  
REPORTERS: **looking for blood**  
  
PANEL: **gulp** **rushes off**  
  
  
  
  
  
End Conference. 


	24. jewelry

Hyrule Press Conference  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Read the other chapters.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: This will probably be the last one. It is getting really hard to write, and I think it is dragging my other fics down too. (Stupid Writer's Block)  
  
  
  
Review responses: When I say smash, I don't mean break. I meant that she slammed her hand on all of the buttons at once. That may be a dialect thing, or I may just be weird. Your choice. To Evil Sarah, I can't do that, I would have nothing to work with! ^_^ Though it does sound like fun.  
  
  
  
  
  
**The area is set up like usual. Ariana is already at the podium. Damage control is there...and Link is sword fighting with Squall. The reporters are watching with interest. Din is arguing (like this is new) and, of course, the camera catches all!**  
  
  
  
DIN: I deserve to get paid!  
  
ARIANA: No you don't. All you do is complain. And WILL SOMEONE BREAK THOSE TWO UP!  
  
SHEIK: Don't! I got 100 rupees on this!  
  
ARIANA: I give up.  
  
FARORE: If they are fighting, does that mean we don't have to do this?  
  
ARIANA: Nice try.  
  
DIN: Like we'd get off that easy. -_-  
  
MALON: What's that red light?  
  
DIN: What red......**looks at camera** I hate you.  
  
CAMERAMAN: **smiles and waves**  
  
DIN: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......  
  
ARIANA: baby.  
  
DIN: **blows raspberry**  
  
ZELDA: Real mature there Din.  
  
DIN: What are you going to do about it?  
  
ARIANA: Vincent, would you......**gestures to Squall and Link**  
  
VINCENT: No problem. **fires a blank right next to them.  
  
SQUALL/LINK: WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!??  
  
ARIANA: Time to start this. Welcome to another press conference. Today's topic will be JEWELRY!  
  
GIRLS ON PANEL: YAY!!  
  
GUYS ON PANEL: groan......  
  
ARIANA: Get over it guys. Link, you shouldn't be complaining.  
  
LINK: **growls, won't look at her**  
  
ARIANA: Let's start there.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA GAZZETTE: Link, where did you get the earrings?  
  
LINK: Ask Rauru. He's the one who put them on me. I didn't even have my ear pierced when I pulled the sword.  
  
PANEL: **looks at Rauru**  
  
RAURU: What?  
  
ARIANA: I'll spare you the obvious. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM ZORA BAY CAPITAL: Do Zora's wear jewelry?  
  
RUTO: Depends. If it is a collar or tight bracelet, yeah. Stud earrings are OK too. But anything else will hinder our speed in the water.  
  
ARIANA: This is interesting. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM ROYALTY NEWS: Zelda, how many pieces of jewelry do you have?  
  
ZELDA: I have a pair of earrings for each day of the year, a different necklace for each day of the year, bracelets for.....  
  
ARIANA: We get the idea. You have your own vault.  
  
ZELDA: ^_^  
  
ARIANA: Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM SHEIKAN NEWS CHANNEL 17: Impa, do you wear jewelry?  
  
IMPA: I have some earrings, but not much else other than that.  
  
R.F.S.N.C.17: How about Sheik?  
  
SHEIK: Does it look like it?!  
  
ARIANA: Aren't we touchy today. Next.  
  
REPORTER FROM FOREST WEEKLY NEWS: Saria, do you wear any?  
  
SARIA: Yup. I also make my own. I made my own necklace, bracelets, even my own earrings.  
  
ARIANA: I never knew you could do that.  
  
SARIA: ^_^  
  
ARIANA: One more, than I'm calling it quits.  
  
REPORTER FROM TERMINA CANYON: This is for Gannon, do you have any jewelry?  
  
GANNON: No.  
  
LINK: Then explain the earring.  
  
GANNON: That doesn't count.  
  
LINK: It seems to count on me.  
  
GANNON: So?  
  
ARIANA: I don't need to hear the argument. **looks at controls** Hell with it. **presses MASTER BUTTON**  
  
**paint on the panel, camera crew, reporters, everyone and everything except Ariana**  
  
ARIANA: That felt good. **leaves**  
  
PANEL: **looks at each other**  
  
NABOORU: Does anyone else feel betrayed?  
  
  
  
  
  
End conference. 


End file.
